Fed Up with Brothers

by Angele'
(United States)

Four brothers: 69-67-64-54. I'm the only daughter - 59. I consider it a privilege to care for aging Mother--I moved her into my home 6 years ago--however, brothers act as if they could care less about her. Insensitive and self-absorbed.


Impossible to communicate with them - no openness on their part. No major family dysfunction when growing up - just never any quality communication. They simply do not make any effort. Their callous indifference toward her is mind boggling, and I find my resentment and disdain toward them increasingly difficult to handle.

I came to terms years ago that I would never be able to establish a healthy sibling relationship with them; however, seeing Mother in pain because of their neglect is tearing me up. She won't say anything about their behavior "I've raised them once - if they don't want to act right, that's their decision." I, on the other hand, would like to open a can of whoop ass on each of them!

I am fearful of the future when I will no longer be able to care for her by myself. Their financial resources are greater than mine but offer nothing to help maintain a home for her.

I work full time and use most all of my leave for doctors' appointments, hospital stays, etc. How can they not care?!!!!

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I Hear You
by: Anonymous

Selfish, self absorbed brother. They don't come much more selfish than mine.

My father was cared for by carer's and myself where I could, for 15 years. My brother visited twice a year (once on HIS birthday! and once at Christmas)...he even had the gall to ask why I saw dad on boxing day rather than Christmas day (low and behold I have another parent and a life!) after seeing dad every 3 weeks!

I pointed some of this out to dad who still had cognitive function. I asked about his Will that normally would be 50/50 split (for fairness!). I told Dad "well the workload is NOT 50/50 (even though I don't resent helping him for a minute)".

Dad hesitated, I said, "right well after your next eye operation, how about you stay with HIM overnight".... No way said my father, okay I said, within a week I had a lawyer on the doorstep changing his Will..(Dad set to the proportions out NOT me).

Dad died some 2-3 weeks later...lets just see what my brother thinks of that! Even organizing the funeral my brother picked out a shirt that Dad NEVER wore..WHY?..because he had no idea about his own father. Will be interesting to see if he contests dad's Will.

I on the other hand have a clear conscious and no regrets. My father and I DID have some laughs in amongst me running around for him. As for my brother, well I'm sure he hasn't given my dad's care a moments thought because its really only himself that he thinks about.

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This Sounds Typical!!!
by: Anonymous

They don't HAVE to care because YOU DO IT FOR THEM!

This is a common scenario. My Mother in Law's youngest travels the world - but spends less than a day per year with his mother. The other son 'works' - no time or money for mom. I retired early to be her care giver. She is my mother in law - not my mom. Her other daughters in law have not called or written to her for over 25 years.

As I said earlier - they don't need to care because we do it for them.

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Sister
by: Anonymous

Hey, I'm with you sister. My parents are 86 years old and 83 years old. I have two brothers and they both told me it was my problem and to deal with it.

My husband and I can't even go anywhere together anymore or even go to our home because all of my parents' doctors are 200 miles away from our home and they don't want to leave their doctors.

They have heart problems, blood pressure problems, Cholesterol, Diabetes, Gout, Shingles, Circulation problems, Thyroid problems, Cataracts,Prostate Cancer and Breast Cancer survivor. Those are just the problems off the top of my head. Our days are filled with doctor appointments, lab appointments, physical therapy, medication changes, cooking, cleaning, preparing special meals.

We have no life of our own. My brothers and wives come and visit for a week so, I also have to cook for them and purchase extra groceries out of our retirement money.
I thank GOD for this opportunity to help my parents and thank him everyday for them.

I will die with no regrets. I wonder if they will?
Keeping you in prayer. May GOD bless you richly.
Keep a positive attitude. You are doing God's will.

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