Far Away from Home

by Rosalina
(Florida, USA)

My wonderful father was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis about a year ago he had been managing and had an exacerbation over the weekend. He was hospitalized, my stepmother did not inform me, a family friend did.


I made all the preparations and was leaving to go see my dad and my father called and said do not come, it will be fine. You will not have a place to stay, of course I still wanted to be there but in order for him not to worry or to feel like he would have to mediate or explain well I stayed home. We talk every few hours and he might go home today.

I want to move back to our city to be close and spend as much time as I can with him. We are very close, he raised me when my mother left us. We are the best of friends, the kind that do not need words a look will suffice. We are it for each other no other siblings and we are all the family we have.

I need feedback and support should I do it move back? I had been considering it for some time now. I live in a house that my father owns we have discussed renting it or selling it several times over the course of the last few years. But as you may have guessed, there are issues with my stepmother. Issues not for me for her.

Her daughter died over 25 years ago and she has resented me ever since, no drama but literally because I am still alive a reminder her daughter is not. I had nothing to do with it, I was very young and not around, it was a home invasion I am told.

I feel none of this matters, and mine and my daughters place are closer to him, his illness is terminal and I feel the need to be close by to spend as much quality time as possible with him.

Someone please let me know what you think?

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Go to Your Dad?
by: Annonymous

What are you waiting for?

Lovingly and calmly insist to your step-mother that you're not leaving him. You have a paternal responsibility to be there for your Dad and let her know that when you get third-hand news of his health/medical events it worries you, simply because you want to be a part of his life.

My step-mother did everything she could to cut me out of my father's life. She was afraid my Father would 'leave everything' to me. She made my dad feel I didn't care about him, because he had other kids who abandoned him. I did not have such a close relationship with my dad like you have because of her... I'm in awe of you and your dad.

If you were sick, would you want him to overcome/fight off the hindrances in your life to be with you? I don't know about you, but I was born for this!

I spent my dad's last five years on earth close to him, and Today Aug-13-2012 makes it five (5) years since my dad passed away. And I can say, with no regrets, that I WAS THERE!

I'm crying right now... because I needed him in my life more than I realized at the time. We needed to be restored in our relationship and come to the wonderful realization, that He's a good father who is loved by his daughter and I am a good daughter who was loved by her Father.

Go!

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Father's are Wonderful Indeed!!!!!!!!
by: Rosalina

Leasa, I thank you for your words of experience and wisdom. I want to do just that...GO! It is complicated though it is a four hour drive and we have no viable vehicle or other method of transportation. The car we do have has a bad transmission which is the main reason my dad tells me to wait that he will be better.

He says that he does not want to worry about us being on the road and breaking own. He tells me he is following all the instructions in order to get well. But like you I feel that I need to be there,I pray every day for more time for us.

He and my daughter are very close, she has autism so closeness for her is rare and beautiful. I want to respect his wishes and also not worry him. Still I feel the need to be there, thank you again for your advice.

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Dads are Wonderful!
by: Leasa

I hear you so loud and clear. My dad died when he was only 63. I am a farmer and at that time I had a two year old at home. I was so busy. Like you mom-in-law my mother rarely called us when dad was sick, she wasn't the warmest of people.

My dad and I were always the best of buddies. He understood me and adored my kids, husband and farm. He stood by me as I did him. Well, I could see he was failing, but my mom insisted he was 'okay'. On Dec. 31, 1994, new year eve he was admitted to hospital again.

I happened to call home to see how everything was, just a feeling I had. I was having a new year party so was also busy. Mom said, I took your dad to the hospital, they told me I could take him home or leave him there, so I left him.

This was at around 3 in the afternoon. She didn't indicate it was a serious situation at all, my dad with his illnesses had been in hospital many times. Still, right before my guests arrived, I called the hospital and got my dad on the phone.

He was worried that his blood pressure was so low, well, he was really afraid actually. One nurse told him it wasn't a good sign. He cried a bit on the phone, but then cheered up and told me not to come in, but to have a good time. So I stayed home. At 6 am Jan. 1st 1994, the hospital called me as they could not get my mom to answer her phone. They said dad was grave. I flew in as fast as I could, but he was unresponsive. He died at 11 am. I wish I had gone up the night before to this very day.

If your dad is like mine. Go. Work around mom-in-law's phobias and hate. Be with him as much as possible. Also, you live in a house he owns? Ask your dad about his will...I know it's hard to do, but make sure his wishes are valued after he is gone. Don't have regrets. When my mom was ill I went to her every single day...I have no regrets with her. Go to your dad and shower him with love.

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