Family Conflict Over Caregiving

by Sue
(USA)

Hello,

I live next door to my mother--we have never gotten along our entire lives. She is very cruel --cruel even til this day, yet outsiders have no clue to it. I have come to the conclusion, however, that she has multiple personalities. Fast forward to today.

My dad has had multiple strokes. He is currently in a nursing home, his prognosis does not look very promising. My mom is in very good health except for a knee, but she walks around fine.

I have been diagnosed with several major diseases (stage 3 cancer, diabetes, Trigeminal Neuralgia, sleep apnea, chronic spinal fluid condition, constant ear noises which require me to keep music on to sleep, insomnia, rheumatoid arthritis, high blood pressure, atherosclerotic disease) and I am on disability. I also require an oxygenator at night. For the past 5 years I have been in a very fight for my life.

My mom (76 year old) is afraid to be alone at night. I live next door, and told her due to my medical conditions, I could not sleep over there. I blast the radio just to get interrupted sleep, I use a huge oxygenator which requires a constant plug in into a particular outlet in my house, I pace the house in pain at night. I offered her to come over to my house at night, yet she refuses.

The layout of my house would separate the bedrooms apart enough where I would not disturb her. Yet she berates me to my niece, brother and eldest sister--all of which have no clue what a living hell my life already is. They are upset at me, as she complained I did nothing for my dad or her--but this is a total falsehood. She constantly minimizes everything I do for her, and flat out lies to other family members saying I am not helping at all.

Any suggestions or insight would be greatly appreciated.

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Who's sicker than who?
by: Anonymous

It sounds as though you are the one who truly needs someone to help them, not your mother. I don't know what to say about your situation other than that it sounds quite abject and appalling.

If you are really this sick and in poor health than you should have some sort of nurse assisting you and keeping your mom at bay and away from you.

Forget about the people who are trying to kill you with the stress--you have to put your dire needs before your mom's, otherwise, she's going to ruin you. Good luck and hope for the best.

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