Exhausted & Hurt

by Carol
(Australia)

My mother-in-law is 86 & still lives in the large family home on a huge block of land that we all have to maintain like the Botanical Gardens. Her Doctor recently told us that she had had Dementia for 2 years (as if we didn't know).


There are 3 siblings & over the past 3 years I have seen my husband go through every medical test, see all sorts of specialists & to be told that there is nothing wrong with him apart from stress. He is 60 & I am 55. We have kept a log of when he gets sick & it's always after we've been over to her place to mow the lawns, or take her on some jaunt somewhere. He is sick for 2 days later.

My question is does my husband have to sacrifice his life to care for his nasty demented mother? He may pass away before her if this pressure continues.

We have 6 children & would dearly love to spend more time with them, but unfortunately we have to tend to his mother most weekends.

We are all over there all the time, only to be told that we're lazy, that her daughter is a prostitute (untrue), to listen to her screaming, shouting abuse, trying to hit us around the head etc. We are at breaking point.

We've discussed her going into a Nursing home, but she refuses. She has 2 dogs which continually bite her & the Doctor has to come to her home & dress the wounds. When is this ever going to end?

How can we get her into a Nursing Home so that we all may enjoy what's left of our lives?

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No Easy Answers
by: Anonymous

Sounds like you would have to get the doctor to sign a paper that says she is not of sound mind and body and take receivership of her. You would have to go to court and have your husband appointed legal guardian of her (like Brittany Spears father did to Brittany).

A nursing home that attends to aggressive outbursts won't be cheap. Probably, if is she was properly medicated and supervised some of the aggressive behavior would stop but may maybe not all. There are agencies that you can call to have them come to her house to do a mental health evaluation as well.

You might be able to talk mother in law into a place if you offer to take in her dogs and allow her to visit with them on occasion. I think the biggest issue is that her son needs to be able to say No sometimes. That is hard to do I know.

And a nursing home is not the complete solution, trust me. but if she went into one for a month it might allow your family a break and she might try and improve her behavior if she thinks that the nursing home is a permanent placement if she can't take her medications properly. Either way it's hell on the family. I wish you luck.

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