Enough Now :(

In May 2011 my stepfather was admitted to hospital..I offered my mum to stay with us for a few days..it meant my youngest daughter (16) giving up her bedroom and sleeping on the sofa...even though she had exams to deal with..my stepfather died in June 2011 and 3 years later my mother is still here with me..


She has her own home which my stepfather left to her in his will..and enough money to be comfortable for the rest of her life...but she won't leave my home...she goes to her house during the day but is back at mine by 6 every single evening...I'm at the end of my tether now..

All my children have left home...my youngest who is now 19 left only recently because she was so fed up with not having her own room (it never even crossed my mothers mind to let my daughter have her bedroom back)poor girl spent 3 years on the sofa! :(

My long term partner took a job abroad on a 2 year contract because he couldn't cope with the fact that my mother was constantly here..so I feel that I've lost my youngest child and my partner because my mum won't leave..

She refuses to go to bed unless I go..won't go upstairs to watch TV..insists on watching TV downstairs with me..my partner came back for Christmas last year..I hadn't seen him for 9 months..but we had no privacy or time on our own because my mother was always around....I can't even have my grandchildren to stay because she is in the room that I could make into a nursery for them..

It's hard to explain..its like she's totally oblivious to what she is doing..I'm not sure whether she is ignorant..lazy or just plain stupid..I know that sounds harsh but...here's a few things that she does/doesn't do...

She wont bathe/shower or wash..at all...ever..in the whole 3 years she's been here she has never once bathed or showered..but growing up I remember she never bathed..surely she must have some idea about hygiene...she smells really bad..so does her home..it's in a terrible way..but now also is the room that she sleeps in here..she refuses to give me her bedding to wash..she never washed her clothes..just rinses them in cold water..the smell is terrible..

When she makes a cup of tea she won't wash the spoon..she just stirs the tea, dries the spoon in her skirt and puts it away..same with the mug..she will tip the left over tea away..wipe the mug in her skirt and hang it back up...I am so fed up with having to wash every cup and spoon in the house over and over because they are all sticky and dirty..

She talks non stop through whatever is on TV even adverts..talking to the TV like its real..I don't remember what it's like to relax in front of TV in the evening..

She is nasty to my little granddaughter who is 3..she says things like 'you are a little bitch' and 'oh go away I don't like you'..I don't have my granddaughter down to visit now...I go and visit her instead :(

My mum is 72...please don't say this is down to her age..because the way she behaves is how she has always been..I remember her being like this when I was growing up..I suppose when you are young you sort of accept it as norm...but now I'm older and she is constantly here ..I know that she is not normal...

I spoke to someone the hospital recently and she told me that it sounds like my mother has always had some sort of learning disability..and that she had 'slipped through the net' 60 years ago whilst at school..

My mum has never had to do anything for herself..she went from living with her parents..to living with my father..when he left her..she moved in with me for a while (20 years ago)..then she moved in with my stepfather and was with him for 19 years before he died...

So she has always had someone who will do things for her..whether it was cleaning/cooking/paying bills etc..shes never had to do things for herself..but I don't believe she is incapable of doing these things..I believe she just WON'T do them.

I have tried talking to her...my older children have tried talking to her...but she won't listen...she switches off and changes the subject..I hate living like this..I don't want to live with my mother any more...she is capable of living on her own (I went away for a few days with my eldest daughter and my mother stayed in my home on her own..she wouldn't go back to her house even though there was no one at mine)

My partner is due back in September but he won't come back if he has to live like this...she hates him...he has never done anything wrong to her but she just dislikes him so much...he can't even sit in the living room with her...he spends the whole time he is home sat in the dining room as she is just so rude to him...she sulks if he wants to watch something on TV...gets moody if he tries to tell her something and makes it so uncomfortable for him that he feels like an outsider in his own home..

I feel like I can't breathe..I feel like my house isn't mine any more..I feel so angry towards her..sometimes I feel I hate her...which is a nasty way to feel..she's not a bad person..she's not nasty..she's not spiteful or violent..she's just so inconsiderate and selfish..and she just can't see what she is doing to me..

I love my mum..but I can love her just as much if not more if she was back in her own home..

OMG how do I approach this with her..I don't want to hurt her feelings or upset her...I just want her to go home and give me my life back...I don't want to feel jealous of other people who have a normal happy home with husband/wife/kids..I want that..I don't want..me/partner/mum!

I could go on and on with how I feel and the things she does but I'm starting to sound evil now...and I'm not..I'm really not...I just want my old life back :(

Comments for Enough Now :(

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Rating
starstarstarstar
Move Her Out
by: Kathy

Seriously? Maybe you cannot see it, but everyone else can... You need to move your mother out of your house!

This is your house and your first responsibility is to yourself and your children, not your mother.

Your next responsibility is to your partner (if you love him). Your mother is depending on you for her life because her husband is no longer alive.

It is not your job to take care of your mother over your responsibilities of your children and grandchildren. (Too bad your 16 year old gave up her space... actually you should have given up your bed, you are the one who allowed your mother to come into the home).

And what is the deal with no showers or baths???? Wiping a spoon and returning it to the family drawer? Can you say sharing germs!?

No wonder you feel you are so overwhelmed! Find a senior apartment for her today!

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
For real?
by: Leasa

You are not serious are you? You tell us that your mother is mean, dirty, nasty and has cut you off from the family that really matters then in the end you defend her and act as though you are afraid of her. She is ONLY 72. She can outlive you. Or she will live long enough that she has cost you every important relationship in your life.

She calls a three year old a bitch and tells her she doesn't like her and you didn't step in? You are as guilty as your mother. Shame on you.

Read what you've written. Grow a backbone and show the real members of your family that you love them. Tell the mother of your three year old grandchild that you are sorry for allowing such abuse toward her child.

Grow up. You are no longer a child and you owe this woman nothing. You are only a victim because you allow it.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Elder Care Group Online Support Forum.


Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2018 | All Rights Reserved


Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. Losing my mind!

    Sep 17, 18 02:05 PM

    I am 48,my parents are 74(Mom)& 80 (Dad). I am going thru a nasty divorce and had to come live with them. I am not working due to several severe autoimmune

    Read More

  2. Fighting

    Sep 12, 18 09:48 AM

    Lately my husband and I have been fighting a lot over my mom. She lives with us and is very difficult to deal with. We are all miserable and are trying

    Read More

  3. We are Starting the Process

    Sep 04, 18 04:27 PM

    My 85 year old mom lives with us and has for about a year now. This is not working. My health is suffering due to stress. I just spent a week in the hospital

    Read More