End of Life Delerium or....??
Mom is slowly leaving this world. Lately she’s been frightened when she goes to sleep at night, wants me to sleep next to her and wants the light on all night. She names dead relatives she is seeing. In fact she asks me, who are all these people in the room? I have a baby monitor in her bedroom and I see her reaching out like she’s trying to touch someone. She’s always seeing children. She literally asked me, what is that light in the next room?
I know there is a debate between the scientific and the spiritual. Whether the brain is just shutting down or if there is another side to which we are traveling. I myself believe in the spiritual.
I watched the last moments of my aunts life. She was in the hospital and woke up momentarily out of a three day coma, sat straight up in bed, reached her arms out, laid back down and took her last breath.
Mom is only in this world from one moment to the next. If I’ve learned anything out of all this, it’s that we only have the moment. All the past mother-daughter issues I’ve worked out along the way and all the multiple future plans I’ve run through my head, they don’t exist.
This moment is the only real one. Mom no longer remembers the past and has no concept of the future, she only knows the here and now. Though my mind is still capable of racing to the past and future, I, too, only have the here and now. I have no more of an idea about my tomorrow than she does her’s.
As hard as it may seem sometimes, try to live and love in this moment, right here, right now. Because in reality that is all we have.