Emotional Vampires

My mom is one of them.

I think we all know these kind of people. They can suck the life force out of you from across the room.

You can almost feel the tentacles reaching out, sizing up your strength, fortitude, and self-protection. If they see a weak point, they will enter and devour your very soul. Maybe they had a hard life. Maybe they had to learn to fend for themselves at an early age. Maybe they despise weakness in others. Maybe they have the attitude of only the strong survive.

They will test you and test you, and if you can't pass the test, they have no respect for you. It's only when you can beat them at their own game, do you become an equal.

I think there are some of us who are gentle souls. As the saying goes, we're lovers, not fighters. We don't battle for power, position, control. These things aren't important to us. We gravitate toward peace, harmony, equality, compassion, compromise, and understanding. Because of this we will give more than we take. We will sacrifice ourselves for the sake of the group.

I've discovered it doesn't have to be this way.

Sometimes we have to reach that proverbial bottom before we can rise back to the top. I've reached my bottom in this caregiving position. But I've learned a valuable lesson: how to take care of myself.

I've formed an imaginative protective barrier around me. I've let my mom go. I'm going to get a little spiritual here, so bear with me. This works for me and maybe no one else. The important thing is...it works for me. I take care of the inside of me, and I let God take care of all the outside. It sounds so simple, but I feel such a protection and relief from this perspective. I no longer have to do everything. Just stay inside with God, and let him do the rest.

OK, no more preaching. I don't even know if this makes any sense. I just hope through all of our caregiving experiences in this forum, that we can all learn how to take care of ourselves. Maybe that's what it's all for anyway.

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burnt to ashes
by: helena

Your feelings and writing make perfect sense to me and yes!the cutting of the emotional chord trusting in spirit is one way that helps me get through some of the emotions.

I also found a technique called "tapping" I didn't think it would help but I tried the technique,{you can find it on youtube I didn't get the books or tapes}Being intuitive I just say what comes to me while I'm tapping and I am sure that you would also find the right spiritual connection to use this method. I use it just before I go to sleep.

I am surprised at how much detachment from my mothers thinking and manipulative emotions that I've gained in the past couple of weeks.

In fact the other night I told her what a self centered selfish person she really is. We are barely talking now but the strange thing is I don't care anymore her selfish attitude is not eating me up anymore and she is stewing because she is loosing control over my thinking,anyway hang in there and remember that we are the good caring ones that got into the rotten situation because we have the hearts of gold with love and warmth.

Keep strong you are a beautiful person that can express your thoughts and may the spirit world help us to keep some warmth in our hearts.Keep writing and expressing your feelings

Emotional Vampires
by: Darla

Loved, loved your version!! Perfectly described it!

My mom has been a Debbie downer for as long as I can remember. And if anyone else is happy, she will pop that balloon in a heartbeat.

I'm sure it's not intentional, I think it comes from a lack of life enjoyment from her upbringing and she seems to thrive on drama and worry.

I have a daily prayer to have Him keep his arms around me and his hand over my mouth as I encourage her to watch funny shows or sit out in the sun for a bit everyday or try to make her laugh.

Thank you....you've nailed it!
by: Anonymous

Thank you for the well thought out and reassuring post.

You spoke to my heart and I hope I can get myself spiritually, emotionally to the place you have had the strength to get yourself to.

The past 5 years of caregiving have ruined my body and soul from the anger, bitterness and negativity that have permeated my life from this experience.

Thank you for sharing!

I Understand Where You're At!
by: Anonymous

My dad drank from the time I was a little girl. Not wanting others to know (as Dad was a highly successful businessman and drank at home at night and on weekends), Mom confided everything to me from the time I was 9.

Dad started a successful company right after I moved out, so my younger brother grew up in luxury as the biz flourished and Dad spent a lot of time out of town. Somehow, through the years, Mom has gilded the lily and has mentally rewritten a lot of the trials she and I endured before my bro was old enough to know what was going on.

Part of continuing the fantasy has been to shut me out to an extent while maintaining a very close-knit relationship with my brother's family who is also geographically close to Mom. One of my jobs, it seems, is to agree with everything Mom says and not make waves.

I have no desire to upset her or dredge up the past but it's difficult receiving unsolicited parenting advice in raising my family when my own home life was so rocky. I rely on the Lord as my strength and continue to trust in Him, remembering who I am and WHOSE I am as HIS child.

Hugs and prayers to you in your walk and thank you for sharing.

by: Anonymous

I agree with you 100%

You described my sentiments to a T regarding my situation with our mother, without sounding like a whiner. My resentful siblings have been forced to step up and do their part because I have decided to step back from doing the whole load myself.

Their impression of my cry for help is quote "they're sick and tired of hearing of my woe is me lamentations."

Your are Blessed for coming to where you're at now. Good luck, and thank you for sharing.

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