Eldest Daughter with 4 Siblings

Mom and dad moved close by around 7 years ago. Prior to that they left my childhood home where they raised myself and 4 siblings. They moved to Florida, bought and sold antiques after retiring early bought and sold two homes losing money on each and thus, have outlived their retirement, after spending and living their middle ages happy and without the worry of us just as they wanted.

They are kind, loving and overbearing. Mom wants to be entertained on all of my days off..I mow their yard, buy the groceries take them to appointments when able as I work full time, have a spouse and have two children (young adults) who live an hour away and I enjoy visiting on occasion.

My mom most of the time puts guilt on me about wanting to go to see the kids, go shopping with me, just darn right all the time wants to be with me. One sibling who is well of financially finally started contributing enough money to help with mowing the yard during the summer because I told her I was stressed trying to maintain two households. The other three siblings have many excuses as to why they cant help financially and I'm sick of it.

I have limited resources and I find a way. What else can I say? I'm frustrated and angry. I love my parents dearly and am angry my mom is so needy. They have a mortgage and many medical expenses and I feel so bad it doesn't leave much after those things are paid for but it hurts me that their financial situation is how it is because of poor decisions made by them at my age!

Please help...I sooooo love my parents, but do not necessarily love my life..Wish my mom would quit inquiring about every minute of my whereabouts and putting guilt on me when I choose not to share.

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Time Management
by: Anonymous

I am in the same boat as you but I do not have children. I am a single woman in her 50's who is single handedly caring for my 90 year old mother plus maintaining two households (mine and hers, she still lives in her own home). I work full time plus commute so I have very little free time to do much relaxing for myself but manage to get in a walk or reading.

The only way I am able to cope with my care giving is to just tell myself that this is temporary and that I have to just do what I have to do whether I like my life or not. I try to make sure I eat properly, get rest, and get in some exercise but that is really all I can do for myself right now.

I had to put friendships and possible romantic relationships on hold. That is just the way I manage it. I just told myself that it is impossible to keep up a "normal" lifestyle and I put it aside for now. I think that fighting against the reality that there are only limited hours in a day or a week is upsetting all of the time so it is easier for me if I just accept that for now, I am going to be tied down to my mother and I have to put aside other things in my life.

Much of the advice I read about care giving tends to tell us that we should try to maintain a normal lifestyle and cut back on our parental obligations but this is not realistic. I find that I had to cut back on certain things like social life in order to keep my sanity.

Social life is not important to me, possibly for someone else, they might cut back on TV watching or exercising or baking cookies or things that are not important to them in order to maintain a social life. What I am trying to say is that if you want time with your children then make that a priority but cut back on something else which isn't important. It may be difficult to cut back on time with your parent, at least for now. Try to look on this time as temporary.

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