Eldest child syndrome
by Cedar S
(St. Charles, IL, USA)
My husband and I have become financially responsible for my mother staying in her home. My sisters have zero extra income between them, and two of them have been homeless in the last 5 years. This has left my husband and I, who are, thankfully, able to help my mom.
We have paid her RE taxes for the last 17 years, replaced her car twice,when the other one crapped out, replaced refrigerator, redone her shower step for her reduced ability and bridged the gap many times between her SS income and what she needed.
She is absolutely fine with this. Has no problem leaning on me about it, even though it has caused problems in my marriage.
I am thankful that she doesn't require physical help to take care of her bodily needs at this time.
When she did require physical help after breaking both her arms in a fall, she sure did enjoy bossing us all around. I was LIVID.
She was a crazy aggressive mom when we we very young, and part of me wants to slap her around to even the score.
If she ever is in need of physical help again, I will not be available in any way, because of my resentment.
I wish I was a bigger person emotionally about this.. I wish I could let go of my rage around her, and the person she was when I was young. I just haven't been able to do it yet.
I don't wish her I'll will, I just would rather not be expected to repeatedly come to the rescue. And the other part of me? The other part wants to tell her to get out of my life, and stay out. I'm not sure which is worse; her actual need, or my repeated hateful feelings toward her.
Probably the latter. I don't WANT to feel this toward her...but, for now, it keeps coming up.