Eldest Brother is the Self Proclaimed "Leader"

I'm the youngest in a large family and my eldest brother has for many years taken it upon himself to organize everything for my elderly parents.

He moved to be close to them and has therefore been the "go to" guy as they've got older and developed illnesses etc...

He believes the rest of us are a waste of time and have nothing good to contribute, which is incredibly frustrating and annoying, given everyone in the family is happy to help and we're all competent and helpful people.

He is a great practical provider, but I for one do not trust his judgment in the emotional or health needs of our parents. This has caused enormous problems for our family, including my parents.

Recently, our mother passed away, and it was only because I called the hospital to get to the bottom of what was going on that all of us were able to make it to her bedside in time to say goodbye.

My brother believed the situation was not serious, simply because he did not know the right questions to ask hospital staff.

He was so angry with me for having the cheek to call the hospital and "override" his authority, but it was the right thing to do.

Now he has taken it on himself to clear out the family home with little input from any one else and he has thrown out an awful lot of stuff that belongs to my brothers and sisters. Essentially, he has thrown out all our childhood memories or kept many of them for himself (particularly photo's, which is really really sad for me given I have no pics of my childhood as my mother was very protective of these types of things and refused to give them out to her daughters).

This is very distressing not just for us, but also my newly grieving father, who feels powerless to stop him.

I find myself so angry with this brother, I'm not sure what to do any longer. Most of us live some distance from our father so it's difficult for us to be involved as closely as he is.

Matters are now complicated as my father and I have become very close in recent years and he calls me to talk when difficult situations arise - this weekend, he told me some things related to what this brother has been up to and it involves money...always the killer in families. It sounds as if he has taken a lot of money from my parents and has no capacity to pay it back.

What do I do...this is very hard...

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by: Anonymous

If you'd wanted the stuff you'd have got it a long time ago. Its amazing what people claim they want long after all the really hard work has been done - like cleaning your mother's body after a bowel movement.

Years later, people want "stuff" - amazing.

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