Elderly Parents and Dealing with Guilt
We feel an enormous weight of guilt and sometimes even a sense of failure for our inability to care for aging parents.
Guilt, helplessness, and the pain of realizing that you may not longer be suited, or able, to give your elderly parent what he or she needs is an enormous burden for any child to feel (regardless of age), and it will take time and a lot of patience – with yourself – to be able to deal with such feelings about parents care.
Coming to a decision that your parent may need more specialized care and time than you are able to provide is not easy. When assessing the need for more specialized elderly care for your parent, you may need to take the following issues under consideration:
However, any such decision often brings with it a heavy toll such as feeling like:
Many caregivers feel guilty about their feelings of anger or resentment that they are the ones left to manage elderly care or supervise an aging parent.
Find a positive avenue to vent your feelings. Ask yourself what you would do to change the things that you are so angry or resentful about.
If you're resentful that you no longer have a life of your own because you spend every spare minute caring for your elderly parents, find ways to help you get back some of that private time.
If anger or resentment overwhelms you on a daily basis, talk to someone; a friend, family member or even a therapist. Left unattended, anger can lead to explosive outbursts that you may regret or lead to abusive situations or temptations.
When you start feeling overwhelmed and perhaps inadequate, remember the things that you are doing for your elderly parent. Make a list of the types of things you do for your parent – emotional support, financial advice and support, physical support and whatever else you are doing.
Be willing to recognize that we are all human. Some of us are better suited toward care giving and empathy than others. Do what you can to help and don't beat yourself up for everything you don't do. If it really bothers you, ask yourself what you can do to change things or to provide more help.
Anger, depression, guilt and dissatisfaction may eventually lead to health and emotional problems for caregivers such as weight loss or gain, depression, insomnia, high blood pressure and more. Try these methods to help gain perspective on your daily life or to help relieve the stress and pressures of caregiving, especially when you're feeling guilty about your feelings.
You don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, let alone next week, next month or next year.
If you're feeling guilty or inadequate, and personal steps to alleviate such feelings don't help, seek the help of a professional to assist you in finding ways to deal with the situation.
Don't wait until you're so stressed you're getting sick or endangering other family relationships. Don't hide from feelings of guilt or inadequacy. Confronting such feelings is the only way to successfully deal with them.