Elderly Parent Mother - My Brothers are Self Centered Jerks

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Elderly Parent Mother - My Brothers are Self Centered Jerks

by Diane

I might as well be an only child. I am the youngest and the only girl taking care of my elderly parent. I have had to provide everything - finding a place for my Mom to live, managing her elderly health care, moving her and proving emotional support. I am so angry because I have two older brothers who have no problem dumping everything on me. When I ask for help they just complain and have no idea what I am going through. I really want to just disown them and never speak to either one of them again.

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Elderly Parent Mother - My Brothers are Self Centered Jerks

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You are Not Alone
by: cindy

I am in the same situation. They don't call or maybe once a month and never come by. I don't understand it at all. My mom wants to see them so bad and treats me and my daughter like garbage.

I am so tempted to say something to them but I don't think they care. If I decide to do more with my life and leave the area, she will have to go into a nursing home, and I don't think they will even go visit. Yes, the boys were always treated better than the girls, but not one of her sons would offer her a glass of water. It is weird how she even sees the postmen or the meter reader as on of the other kids, she will let anyone in because in her mind it is one of them.

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Elderly Parent Caregiver - Youngest and Most Available to Care for Mom.
by: Anonymous

I feel you. I am the youngest of three, and I am a male, single, no kids, and available to care for mom and dad, until dad died in, so now I am at their house caring for mom on my own.

First, it was all me, but now since mom broke her hip, I have gradually brought in caregivers, so now they come every day from 9am to 8pm. The other siblings are just too busy with their lives. They come and visit when the can fit it in their schedules with kids, etc. Never during dinner hour or on Sunday. I just want them to offer to come stay with mom for a few hours, or all day, and do it. Especially at the holidays, take her all day, when I have no help.

I don't want to ask for their help, for fear of rejection, and because it would be for me, not for mom. If she were in better shape, and did not need care, they would offer or spend more time with her. But she is not as sharp or able anymore, and they don't really want to be around her, so let me handle it. If I were my siblings, I would say, "I am going to come and spend the day with mom, you can do whatever you want".

Someday, she will be gone. If I don't go first.

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Elderly parent
by: Anonymous

I have been so frustrated myself with the same situation. My Mom has suffered three strokes since June and then in July she had brain surgery. She is now living with me.

My brother and his family are so absorbed in them selves that they cannot be bothered. He did take her out for three hours on a Saturday afternoon, and only because her cell phone was not working and it was in his name. She had to call and ask him to do so.

My friends and in laws and even my Mother's friends have received hate mail bashing me to death. Trying to make me look like the bad guy! They even went as far as to make prank phone calls to my Mother's 87 year old friend.

They have a car repair business and they use that as their excuse as to why they cannot pitch it.

When my Mother was being released from hospital for the 4th time, I called and asked him if he was going to help out, and he told me that I need to treat him and his wife better. Then he told me I was nuts!

He is more concerned with her house than anything. She cannot live alone and he knows this. He has put up new dry wall, having it painted, and had two dumpsters delivered to her home after her first stroke and practically filled both of them. By the way he bills her for all the work that he has hired people to do. He says he is worried about the resale value of the house. Why because it is in a trust?

It is a very sad situation and he couldn't care less. She has been with me now two months.

I am so stressed! Why are people like this?

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I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!!
by: Anonymous

I have three older brothers and a younger sister,
all of whom never seem to be able to help in mom's care.

I grew up the invisible, middle child. Always criticized when I was noticed. Mom always gave my next to oldest brother the power to discipline.

Now, that same brother, mom's golden child, lives 5 minutes from her and won't even call her. He'll see her a few times a year when my husband and I come out of our way to pick her up and bring her to him.

No financial help, emotional help, NOTHING! He brags that he bought his car for cash and sports a Rolex watch but his wife has the nerve to call me and tell me how they just don't have the money or time to help at all. Oldest brother says to me "have you thought of putting her in a home?"

Third brother seems to have been abducted by aliens. Never hear from him. Sis loves to call me at all hours of the night to vent about what a victim she is. Once she is finished unloading, she disappears until she needs to purge again. I love mom but she is not the mom I had a wonderful relationship with. She is mean and spiteful. It breaks my heart to look at this mean spirited person that looks like my funny, cheerful, lovable mom but does everything to turn my life upside down. I am the only one that ever cared for her and she treats me like dirt. Seriously feeling like dropping the check book and bills at bro's doorstep and saying hasta la vista baby!

When mom is gone someday, I will be too. They all own homes and nice cars while I live with my husband and teenage son in a one bedroom apartment trying to make ends meet. I feel guilty and stupid at the same time when I say that I really hate them!

Hope you will find the help support the peace you so deserve. You are not alone.

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Totally agree!
by: Anonymous

It's been 2 years of care giving for my elderly father. I have even lost my job because Dad had been in and out of the hospital and ER so often and I would have to miss so much time at work.

Soon I will have no income left and I honestly feel like I cannot work. I feel so financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually exhausted.

Where did my life go while my brother and the rest of my family move on with their lives. I honestly feel death of myself or my father is the only way I'll ever be free again.

I carry around so much anger and resentment, then guilt for the feelings, it is weighing me down. Finally a couple of weeks ago I sent a letter to my brother telling him exactly what I felt about him including my hatred for him. We will never speak again nor refer to each other as brother and sister.

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Agreed!
by: Anonymous

I feel you 100 percent! Why is it that the women always get the short end of the stick?

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You are right
by: Anonymous

I am in exactly the same situation. I love these people who give advice about how to communicate with your useless siblings. Not only do they not care about mom, they don't care about the daughter taking care of her either. Of course you want to disown them...they have already done that to you. It may sound sad, but sometimes the healthiest thing to do is to realize that your siblings have nothing to offer to mom or you. And, once mom passes on, you can sever the relationship with the siblings.

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Elderly Parent Mother - My Brothers are Self Centered Jerks

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Elderly Parent Mother - My Brothers are Self Centered Jerks