Elderly Father in Law is Demanding ...

by Christina
(California)

First of all..I knew my husband was the caregiver for his parents when I first met him, I thought how wonderful and compassionate of him.

Nine years later his mom has past, but dad needs help from eating to bathing and it is taking a toll on my husbands health and our marriage. His dad (papa) is very needy and demanding, he will call us every 5 minutes for the most minor details..from raising the volume on the television, then calling us to lower it...or to ask what time it is, or who was the guy that hosted the "tonight show" just because he needed to know at that moment...and it's 2am, Papa is also hard of hearing so he will ask 10 times "what did you say?" It gets so annoying we say "never mind" but then he will not stop asking us until he gets an answer..which is usually my husband yelling at him to stop asking questions, papa then tells us "fine! I'll never ask another question again!" Then we feel bad...then 1 hour later he will start asking another question and the whole process starts all over. We are exhausted mentally, physically, and our marriage is on thin ice, I yell at my husband to stop yelling at his dad, and he yells at me "well he can't hear me so I yell!" and I yell again and then papa asks a question and there we go again....

It's so hard, I feel so robbed of my life, I cannot go anywhere with my husband alone, because of his father, then I feel ashamed of myself for wanting time alone. My own mom and dad are still in the working force so they don't need this kind of help, yet...I get worried on what will happen when that time comes, will I never have time for my own family or myself? Then I feel ashamed, again.