Elder Caregiving - Yes I do Resent it !!

by Robin

I am 45, my parents were divorced when I was 10, older brother who is 11 years older than me. I have gotten to live away from home 5 yrs total, due to my parent being older when I was born.

My mom, who is 75, has had 6 heart bypasses, works out three times a week and for the most part is okay, we have stents or checks on the ones she has yearly. Due to money I have stayed at home and kept things going. I am lucky compared to most, but it is hard to watch her mind get bad and day in and out watch her not be able to sleep and having to repeat yourself 3 to 4 times a week because she does not remember the last conversation. With no help and having to work extra to help with her medications and bills, I do get frustrated. My brother and his wife response is, not my problem. I feel like a bad person because I get frustrated, with her, I do love her very much. But it does get hard.

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How I Am Doing It
by: Anne

That's too bad. I know what it's like to have siblings who don't care but will be around if there are any assets left.

My advice. Take your mom's income (any of it and any assets) and use it to get babysitters in while you get out.

Many of us moved back home on a temporary basis only to be stuck with parents who should be cared for by all children.

As far as your brother and his wife go...cut them off. Don't talk to them, don't do holidays with them. If they want to come see mom, then hire a baby sitter to be with her when they arrive. If they want to see mom at Christmas, they can come and get her and take her to their house.

I did that with my sister who complained that that was the only time that her (spoiled and selfish) kids could see Grandpop. I reminded her that kids come and see the elderly, not the other way around.

In short get a life of your own as much as you are able.

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