Elder Care - Shut Out of Family

by Fran
(Wisconsin)

I am oldest sibling but live 1000 miles from home town. My parents barely acknowledge me and my family because of the distance, and my siblings have excluded us from family gatherings and barely know my child. My parents say they do not want to be a burden, but my mother especially complains bitterly and constantly and refuses all assistance. It is dawning on me that they do not want me to be there for them and it makes me very sad. Two brothers are unwilling to help, one sister who is closest is resentful as she will end up as "chosen one", one other sister thrives on being the only one mother acknowledges. Crazy family at best, will only get worse. Should I just keep my distance or keep trying to be part of the family?

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Elder Care - Try
by: Anonymous

Make a phone call and see if you can clear a path to finding out why your parents feel that way about you and your family. There might be a hidden reason that you do not know about. All too often a simple comment or word might have been dropped by another person and rather than address it parents don't. I can tell that if you lived closer you would definitely help. There is always one that wants the recognition and the accolades. That is the person that really does nothing and just gets the attention.

Call your parents and let them know you care. If you feel uncomfortable send a letter and let them know if they need you in any way you are there for them. Tell them they have grandchildren and they want to know their grandparents too.

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