Elder Care - Selfish Brother

by lisa
(massachusetts)

My Mom can barely take care of herself any longer. My brother is 50 years old and never left home. He lives in the apartment downstairs.


Now, that she is old, my brother is growing tired of caring for her. He expects that I share the care. I live about an hour away, work full time and am raising two teenagers. I simply cannot find the time to clean her house, which is one of the many things she would like me to do. She refuses to hire someone or have anyone in her home other than the two of us. This leaves my brother in charge of doing the care taking. He is angry at me, but I feel that he should help my mother, since he has lived there with her, without paying rent, his entire life. She has cooked, cleaned and done everything for him until four years ago when she had a stroke.

I don't think he has the right to complain so much. He works part-time, still lives in the same apartment and never married. Am I being selfish in thinking that he should be charged with this task?

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Selfish Brother
by: Anonymous

HI! You are not selfish at all! Seeing you stated he was living with her all these years without even giving a cent. He should go out and work , give your mother "rent money" and take this money to get the work done around the home.

Not easy when we have to work, raise a family, but seems mothers demand more of their daughters, than from the brothers.

Simply keep in touch with her.

Take care! Betty

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by: Anonymous

Not being selfish. He needs to do care for her. But I now live with my mom after my brother died. They lived together for many years and mom cooked and cleaned for him. He complained that I was not there to care for mom. But it was their home not mine. Now that he is gone.

I was forced to come care for my mom. Sell my home and leave my career. My two other brothers are retired with nothing to do. And refuse to come and help out. So I have been on both ends. My feeling is that families should act as families and work together to support not only the parent but each other.

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