Elder Care - Problem is not Parent but Sibiling
I previously posted on here about my care giving of an elderly parent and having no help from my sister. I did get a few responses, which I appreciate, and I'm sure these people meant to be kind and supportive.
Maybe I didn't state the issue clearly enough but the issue for me is not how to decrease or limit the various tasks that I have but how to handle the emotions and resentment that I have and that are a result of not having my sister's help and support.
It seems that whenever I reach out and try to describe my situation on these blogs, most people focus primarily on how I should diminish and limit some of the help to my mother, but this isn't my issue and not how I want to resolve my emotional issue. I don't have an issue with how much I do for my mother. In fact, I probably feel that I do not do enough in some ways. I surely do not want to resolve my resentment of my sister by "cutting back" on what I do for my mother. That doesn't make sense to me. It's like cutting off my nose to spite my face.
Limiting or diminishing help to my parent is like forcing my mother to "pay the price" for the lack of involvement of my sister. My mother is my only close relationship in my life right now. She is a confidante, friend, support, and counselor. So no, I would not resolve my issues by forcing her to get services from strangers. She is the only mother I have and I will help her as much as possible until she is gone. None of it is beyond my abilities; it is just that I would be a lot happier if my sister recognized the situation, and helped and supported me.
When I write on these posts, I am not looking for advice regarding how to juggle some tasks but am mostly trying to find some empathy and support regarding having a sibling that doesn't pull her weight. For that matter, I don't expect any advice regarding her either. There is no advice that can be provided, because I can't change my sister and I can't force her to help out when she doesn't want to or can't. I can't help the fact that she lives at a distance and that she has 2 kids and a husband and a business and doesn't want to cut back on any of her other commitments to help me. That is her issue, not mine. She will eventually pay the price for not helping out.
Just some support, please. No advice.