Elder Care - Brother and Sister-in-Law are Users...

by Helena
(Kentucky)

My brother Billy (42) and sister-in-law Sarah (38)constantly ask Mom - 75 extremely frail, who lives with me - for lots of financial help. They bought a very expensive house they cannot afford (They couldn't even get a loan - Sarah's parents co-signed the loan). In return they do next to nothing for Mom. Sarah hasn't seen nor spoken to Mom in over a year and a half (not even for her birthday or Christmas) and Billy has visited maybe four or five times despite the fact they live only an hour away.

In the past ten years they have not spent one single solitary holiday with her, nor her birthday, nor did they go to any of her multiple surgeries - back, eyes, hand.. or take her to the doctor when she was extremely sick for 2 years etc...

They have two young sons, Mom wasn't invited to any of their birthdays - not even the first ones. Sarah's parents are always invited - though they live three hours away. When I ask Billy for help he yells at me and tells me he has his own life.

I love my Mom, she is very sweet (everyone likes her - she has never had a problem with anyone), but I am a single Mom, working and going back to school and sometimes I just flat out feel overwhelmed - and angry at my brother.

Mom has some small rental properties, which gives her enough money to live on but there is always work (lately had roof leak, paid for repairs, leaking again- seems roofer didn't really fix anything - have to take roofer to court to get money back...), insurance, taxes etc. that needs to be done, which is left to me. When I told my brother that I am afraid that the money will run out at the rate it is being spent - he told me I should just sell the properties... He is also mad that Mom gives me money for her bills, utilities(she insists on paying) and food etc. He thinks that if I get money so should he. I have begged him to look at the books - he'd find out he spends a whole lot more.... It isn't so much about the money but I am so sick of how greedy and disrespectful they are to Mom - yet they seem to think she is their personal bank. Mom is so afraid that my brother will completely stop speaking to her that she always gives in to his requests. Thanks for letting me vent.