Elder Care Anger - It's My Problem Now

by Don
(Media, PA. USA)

After living away from my family for 17 years I was convinced by my brother that my mothers living situation was in such horrible state that I needed to consider moving home. My mother is a hoarder so every room in the house was packed full of a hodge podge of treasure and trash, all co-mingled and creating a safety issue.

I moved home a year ago and between working a full time job and sifting through all the stuff I was able to move in to better take control of the situation.

My siblings fit the old adage " Hell is packed with good intentions" My younger brother lends a hand but he does it at an arms length. My older sister can not deal with anything negative and is a string of excuses when it actually comes down to getting her hands dirty.

My oldest brother is completely worthless and has little to no contact with us.

I feel abandoned and lonely, my finances since moving in are severely strained due to my mothers unpaid bills and fixing the physical property of the home that has been so neglected for all these years.

The only bright part of my exisistence is my two dogs and cat. I have no social life since I spend every waking moment cleaning up the hoard or working.

I resent my sister the most who has no job, a grown son and a husband but yet can find no time to set aside from her crafting activities to help her mother. She spends more time behind the church pew then with her own mother.

I just want to run away and hide but I am stuck.

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by: jb England

This sounds like a nightmare for you! How on earth are you coping?

Hoarding is a psychological problem that needs professional intervention but I'm sure you know that!

You don't say what your relationship with your mum is like. Do you love her and want to help her, or are you doing this because of bullying from your siblings or a sense of duty? If it's duty, then I suggest you walk away and leave it to the professionals, however, if you really care and want to help, then, please get get help! You clearly cannot deal with this alone, nor should you try, your own emotional health is at risk, try to see it as you would if your mum was walking the streets naked, I guess you'd insist on outside help then!

Don't try to resolve this on your own, you can't, you are entitled to help and if the family won't,then enlist the professionals! Best wishes

Elder Care - My Mom's a Hoarder, too
by: Anonymous

Under the best of circumstances having to care for an elderly parent single-handed is a daunting task. Throw in the "hoarding" problem and the problem just escalates exponentially.

My 76-year-old mother refuses to acknowledge that her hoarding is making it impossible for me to help her in any productive way. Her idea of "help" is requiring me to make it possible for her to continue to live in too-big a home on a too-big a property only because she will not give up her hoard in order to downsize to manageable levels for both of us.

She won't spend a dime to get outside help to maintain the home (expecting me to do it all) because having strangers enter her property puts her at risk of having her closely protected hoarding problem discovered.

When I examine the situation as a whole, everything comes back to the fact that she is a hoarder who will not accept that she has a problem or that it required psychological intervention.

I wish I could offer you some solace or advice, but I got to the point where the expectation of me were beyond my ability to fulfill and I finally walked out of her life in order to preserve my own. That was my solution.

Elder Care - Sibling Caregiver - Good Daughter
by: Anonymous

Which brother convinced you? After you have done as much as you reasonably can, you should consider moving out and letting someone else take a turn.Does your mother appreciate your efforts? You can comfort yourself with the knowledge that you have been a good and responsible daughter.

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