Elder Care Anger - I don't want to do this anymore... But I love my mom so much!
My mom (90) has lived with me (50) and my family for 6 months each year for 15 years then a 1 1/2 years ago she moved in for good. She had to. She was living alone and and had become so sick I didn't think she would live. So I, being the good daughter, moved her in.
Hello mother, goodbye me. I don't even know this angry, frustrated, and burned out woman I see in the mirror. I just want to have my life back without guilt. I am the youngest of 10 kids and NO one helps! No seriously, not one of them help me. When I try to tell them I need a break all I hear is "I don't know what your problem is. We think she's precious. We'd take her in a minute but she wants to be with you." My response "please, oh please do. Take her! At least for a while."
I don't like this person I've become. How can I be this bitter? My mom has always loved me. She's been a good mom. So how can I resent her so much?
She can still get around with a walker but she won't. She sits in her chair and refuses to do anything for herself. She wants me to serve her - period. She won't eat at the table, she wont go outside, she just sits in her chair and when I come home from work she expects me to wait on her.
She always has something for me to do and I pray every day one of my siblings will just come get her and take her away. The worst thing, the thing that eats me with guilt - there are days I wish God would take her home to heaven so I don't have to do this anymore. Admitting these thoughts makes me feel like a monster...