Elder Care Anger - Husband's Siblings are Selfish Jerks

by Anne
(California)

Hello,
My husband lives in California and have been caring for his elderly mother for the past 12 years. She lives in our home. She has a home in Maine, and until 2007 she would return to her home in Maine in the summer months. But now she is 91 and can no longer travel easily so we've had her all year since October of 2007. It's more difficult now because I got used to that summer break and now it's gone.

My husband has 2 siblings: an older brother in Oklahoma and an older sister in Illinois. Both are financially stable. In fact his brother is quite wealthy. My husband and I struggle financially. He had cancer 15 years ago and has been on disability since then. I work full-time.

His brother was o.k. at helping us financially until recently. He seems to have stopped sending money in the last 6 months. My husband is too proud to speak to his brother about it. His sister has never contributed anything financially, and has only come to visit her mother once because she was failing at the time but she recovered.

I am growing increasingly resentful of the whole family, including my husband. I hear about his siblings' lives, their travels and vacations that we cannot afford and even if we could we don't have the freedom to take off whenever we want to.

Since my husband can't address the problem with his siblings, I would like to, but I'm not sure how.