Elder Care Anger - Elderly Mother-In-Law is Stressing my Marriage

by Hopeless
(Boston )

My Mother-In-Law has lived with me and my wife all 13 years of our marriage..... we are relatively young 33 and 34 and she is 67 her body is starting to break down from years of alcohol abuse and cigarette addiction, she has the education of a 4th grader and we also have 3 kids....W

We get no help from her 2 older brothers and older sister all who live within 10 minutes of us, it's real stressful because my wife's job is very demanding and sometimes she get's home so late she may not see her mother for like 3 days because she is gone before she wakes up and get's home when she is asleep. I'm currently out of work but I'm basically a caregiver...in no way did I sign up for this but since I'm home it has been thrust into my lap..she needs 24 hour care and honestly I'm trying to get my career back on track and have no time to care for an elderly parent much less not even my OWN! mother and take care of 3 kids..any advice?

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Too much Family Tension
by: Anonymous

My 70 year old mother in law was been widowed & caring for herself since 2009. She got liver cancer 3 years ago, we went thru transplant, countless Doctor's visits, always paying for things.

Finally, hospital said she needs hospice- she's being discharged. I was out on medical leave for a major spinal surgery & I have MS. I also work full time & so does my husband.

We have 5 kids, 3 in college & 2 in high school. My sister in law decided that she'd move her mom in for hospice care. It's been a freak show disaster! My mother in law is doing incredibly better two months in.

My husband feels he has to be there constantly anytime he's not working. I went back to work 3 weeks ago just to remove myself from the hostile situation. My own husband told me I'd never come 1st. He can't see how manipulating his awful sister & mother are. It's like they want to destroy my marriage.

Sorry to vent, but it's ridiculous. She truly belongs in home health care or assisted living. Totally jumped the gone on this hospice freak show.

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Communication is the Key
by: Anonymous

The one person who can help you is your wife. You and she need to discuss and present a united front to your mother-in -law and anyone else involved (brothers, sisters, etc.) If you voice all your dissatisfaction, perhaps, you can find a way to break free of this prison. At least, I view it as a prison when I'm not looking at it like it's slavery.

If it's any consolation, I know how you feel. My husband's mother moved in with us and I'm the one stuck with all of the responsibility of her care. The more you do for them, the less they do for themselves. With mine, laziness plays a key element. As does a sense of entitlement. Neither of which I understand nor do I ever want to.

Good luck.

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