Elder Care Anger and Resentment - Yes my brothers don't care

by Ella daily
(Rochester, ny)

I have burnout. I've given 10 years of my life to a mom with cancer and a dad with Parkinson's. My two older brothers do nothing to help.

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Brothers are Useless
by: Suzy

I have cared for my mom for the last 3 years. Dad died and they hadn't made any plans for Mom to live safely on her own.

She has been in assisted living and I have been away from my husband 229 days out of the last year. Fortunately he is supportive and visits us.

My brothers didn't help with the sale of Moms house or much of anything else. They did manage to complain a lot about all her stuff (55 years worth) and take most of her nice things to their homes on the occasions I was home with my own family.

They think I am out to steal the family fortune not that their is one. They also don't understand how important it is to allow her some autonomy. She is very frail and I drive her to and from dialysis 3 days a week and have sat thru many hospital stays in the last 3 years.

She still enjoys her life, her friends and her family but I have developed a strong distaste for both my brothers and their wives. I love hanging with my mom, am a nurse and her biggest advocate.

I know I will always be glad I chose to be with my mom but my brothers are emotionally abusive. I am so tired but it is from them.

Elder Care Anger - I am burnt too, and only 5.5 years in.
by: Anonymous

I just cannot believe that I was so stupid to think that I had a family. What I truly had were other friends, When Mom was healthy and hosting holidays - all was fun and great. When Mom became ill, both Mom and Dad moved in with me.

My 3 brothers did help pack up their things and drove that yellow truck into my driveway unloaded it into a huge pile in my garage and took off. From that point on since 2005, I have not seen them. I was told " we didn't sign up for this you did" anytime that I would ask for help. Yet my Mom's voice would go up 10 octaves if they called. My sons,my sons, my sons. Mom recently passed and boy did her sons want to be in charge of end of life decisions and caused much trouble and embarrassment in the hospital with Doctors that I had been dealing closely with for over 7 years. This may sound strong- but I hate them.

And when my father does eventually pass I will never look at them again. My problem now is that I cannot really hide my disdain and my father blames me for the estrangement. He says that I am difficult. NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED.

Elder Care Anger and Resentment -Take Them to Your Siblings
by: Anonymous

You have every right to be and feel burnt to a crisp. I am amazed you have the strength to state it. Ten years, is a long time to bear the burden.

Take them to your nearest sibling and leave. Let them lose the next ten years off their lives. You have served your time, GOD help you and Bless you.

Please take them, this will kill you. You are entitled to a life, freedom and peace. You have given above and beyond. It's their turn now.

Siblings Should Take Part, they're not just Your Elderly Parents
by: Anonymous

Please do take your parent to your siblings. Don't bother to explain, just leave parent. Sib's dumped on you long enough. You are entitled to a life beyond care giving. Sib's are equally responsible. Give them 10 years to learn what you've been doing for 10 yrs without their help.

Elder Care - Take Parent to Brothers and leave them
by: Anonymous

Elder Care Anger and Resentment

You are right to resent this, the disrespect paid to you is terrible. Take Mom/Dad to first brother you can get to and leave them. You've done more than enough.

Too many of us lose years of our lives caring for parents, who tell us the happy stories of our siblings. By golly that lazy sibling should do some thing for the notoriety and casual chat.

Let them shoulder the burden for a good couple of weeks.

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