Elder Care Anger and Resentment - Only Child

I have no brothers or sisters to help me care for my elderly mother. My husband will help, but he will only do what I ask him to do. I still have to figure everything out, schedule and arrange things by myself. No one is around to help with any decision making. Not long ago, my own health was perfect, but after menopause it seems like I'm having more and more physical problems of my own.

My mother's older sister passed away last year. Almost immediately her own health started to decline. I think some of her physical complaints are actually caused by emotional problems.

She does not want to see a doctor. She has become very fearful and child-like. She doesn't want to be left alone for even an hour. She lives a few miles from us and frequently stays the night with us. But she calls me to she has no where to go in the evening and doesn't want to be alone because she doesn't feel well. I feel that we must take her wherever we go so she doesn't have to be alone. Either that or just stay home with her.

I waver between guilt/anger all the time. I know I must not be a pleasant companion these days for my husband.

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Another Only Child
by: Anonymous

I'm also an only child but REALLY alone with no husband or outside means of support. I have a decent career which I have worked my ass off to achieve and now facing horrible problems with my mother. Dad died years ago.

1. She lives like a recluse in a huge house packed with trash. She will not throw away the trash. She also has beautiful things which she no longer cares about at all but would never give me.

2. I'm "allowed" to take her to the grocery store and wash her laundry for the last six months since her washer broke and she won't do anything about it.

3. She has always been a schizo and puts on a sane face to others but is incredibly cruel and abusive to me, beat me as a child, etc.

4. I have appealed to her doctor and the "neighbors" for help but have been ignored.
I will soon be faced with a hard choice but I have already decided to walk away instead of giving up my career. I'm looking for a lawyer to help me.

So here's another viewpoint on the situation!

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Elder Care - Caring For Them
by: RR

Yes! Caring for elderly parents can be emotionally draining. It is important to know you are not alone. Talk with people in the same situation. Share ideas, tips and just complain to each other.

I started a web site just for that purpose. You can find a degree of comfort and support from others.

Eventually things will get better. Until then take comfort in the fact that you are a good person for taking care of your mother. Some people think only of themselves. You are better than that.

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Elder Care - Stay Strong
by: Anonymous

Never feel that you are all alone.

My mom has Alzheimer's and I am the only one who takes care of her along with the four blessings her home health aides. I just wrote a book about the illness and her journey with the disease. The book is a resource for anyone that needs to get help.

My husband helps me only by taking me shopping for her groceries and he understands that dinner is his job and other things too. I learned to count on my strength and spirit and not worry about others.

Getting angry is only going to hurt you and you are too important as a caregiver and a person.

Take time for yourself daily and remember not to neglect you. I had to retire early and started writing children's books and doing other things to keep active at home and more.

Stay strong. Fran

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