Elder Care - Anger and Resentment - Help. And good advice wanted

by Karen
(Nottingham)

My mum is 82 and has serious health problems.


I have three brothers who live local to my mum and all have cars money and their own homes all bought. They do nothing for my mum..... they never ask her to visit their homes or for Christmas well nothing. One brother visit twice a year, one visits for one hour a week on same day and the other one visits one day a week for just two hours and in between these visits they do not ring up.... nothing. Now I'm a single parent I live in another city and for the last 21 years I been my mums caregiver.

My brother told my mum I'm crazy and choose bad relationships and in fact criticize me for being unemployed, yet I still care for mum and won't ever stand up to them. She just says "o boys will be boys"..... it makes me so angry but all mum says is "o don't make trouble leave it".... but they are her sons and I am not an only child.... why should I have to do this myself?

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Karens reply
by: Anonymous

Thank you for that answer since writing that post

I did just that.... I still ring every evening but I only visit her bedsit once a week. It is one half hours travel on bus. She is housebound and she refused to have a wheelchair for me to take her out so that meant she got to stay in bedsit usually for days without even having any conversation with anyone.

We have nothing to talk bout when I visit has she does nothing apart from listen to music and watches the CCTV camera that sees who comes in and out of the main entrance to her flat all day every day and I feel free at last and more confident and relaxed.

My two brothers take her shopping and to doctor yet she never moans to them or puts them down like she did me

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Why don't You Stop ?
by: Anonymous

Why don't you just stop?
Try it out ....Go away for a holiday, take up a course, get involved in a hobby, additional work, social work, church work , ANYTHING that gives you a break you richly deserve.
Don't answer your phone, See what happens.

We allow ourselves to be taken advantage of.

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