Dutiful Daughter

by Robyn
(Alberta Canada)

I have been my mothers only caregiver since my dad passed away 7 years ago. At 67, she had never driven or done anything by herself....did not even have a clue how to use an ATM.

I was elected by default to do everything. I have 3 brothers, one lives several hours away, but the other two live as close as I do. They have chosen to stand by and do nothing while I run myself ragged, they don't answer their phones or return messages and have no contact with her for months at a time. They did however manage to bankrupt her,I now have control of her money....She does not have dementia, just felt bad saying no to their requests for money and willingly lent it to them, they just never repaid her.

On top of that she started having major health issues about 5 years ago, so now in addition to taking her everyplace she needed to be and doing everything for her I also had to deal with all the medical issues and surgeries and treatments, which are still ongoing.

Then try to still have time for my husband and my grown son and daughter and grandchildren whom I love dearly. They help me out whenever they can, my brothers are oblivious. I am only 53, but have numerous autoimmune diseases that exhaust me on a daily basis,which some days makes it hard to do everything. If not for the help of my husband and children I would be more stressed than I am.

I love my mother dearly and want the best for her, but I resent my brothers for making me responsible for everything, after 7 years I'm getting tired and they refuse to help out. I can't turn my back on our mother so I carry on, always amazed that the brothers I grew up with and loved could behave this way.

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Only daughter from 5 boys
by: Anonymous

I am a girl of 5 boys my youngest brother is disabled i care for my mum and brother...but recently i have broken down.

I have put carers in for my mum and now that i have finally got my brother in an independent living situation with carers, can I say at this point my brother was a heroin addict and abused my parents in many ways yet he has had huge devotion and im still the one who must step up to the mark without praise or recognition i seem to still be at his beck and call.

Ive had my angry outbursts but yet I'm judged only on that and not all the love , care and support i have given to my mum and brother. My mum is angry with me as she only wants me to care for her not "outsiders" as she puts it. I have my partner 2 children and i work.

I'm exhausted emotional physically and mentally. Now my brothers judge me! now that i am broken! not all may i add mainly 2 of them.

The others do a little but not a lot really ...I'm tired and i understand how you must be feeling...I lost my dad 11 years ago I was a daddies girl somehow think my mum has a thing about that not sure what really !! Resentment maybe i just don't know...I'm consumed by guilt,anger and sadness.

Might i add that i am in one way fortunate to have a great bunch of long time friends and a fab sister in law who helps as much as possible. But I'm still consumed i feel trapped and beaten forever the villain....

You Say Tomato, I Say Tomato....
by: Anonymous

Let's call the whole thing off!

Why does my mother not ever listen to a single thing I say?

Does anyone else experience this? Let me just give an example...if she was cooking hamburgers and asked me if I wanted cheese on my burger, and I said no, she would say, well, I'll just put it on there anyway, it will taste better.

Now she no longer cooks, mind you, this is just an example, but this is what she has done to me my entire life. I have noticed she does this to other people as well. She will ask them what they want and when they answer she does whatever she wants anyway.

Is this a disorder? Or some sort of psychological problem? It would sure help to know so I could look it up and find some way to finally deal with it after all these years.

Any information would be appreciated!

Say Thank You to your Husband & Kids 4 me.
by: Anonymous

God Bless your family, for this is the reality of life and they have not abandoned you in your time for trial. May you lay hold on the healing God has provided for you.

The fact is, that you just go as far a you can and leave the rest to God. Death is not the end, so just make sure mom is ready to be with Jesus - looking foward to it even. I'm 41 yrs old and I am looking foward to it myself!

I know that you can see the benefit of a little extra help but if it's not forth coming, it's not uncommon. You are so special... Don't bother about your brothers, they don't see beyond themselves at this time. Forgive them!

Don't look to them for help, because they don't have any help to give. They need so much more than money, but they don't see that yet. They are foolish. So thank God for the wisdom you have and Praise Him continually.

I thank God 4 U.

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