Double Whammy

I am experiencing a double whammy and would like someone in the same boat to give me some support (please, no comments from others who are not in the same boat!).


I am a single woman in her 50's who is taking care of an elderly parent. My married sister doesn't help at all. She used to help a little but then got married and moved away and eventually had children so she hasn't helped at all since the children came along. I've pretty much accepted that I am alone with the care giving, but it still bothers me from time to time, especially when she and her husband go off on a nice vacation.

The double whammy is not only do I have to cope with doing all of the care giving by myself, but I have to deal with the family dynamics of having a married sibling with children who gets all of the attention and affirmation whenever she visits.

It is just very difficult to cope with seeing my sister idolized because she gave birth to grand kids. At the same time, my mother treats me with the usual "oh you again" attitude, because I'm the one helping her deal with all of the unsavory aspects of her aging which she would love to deny. I'm the one who has to remind her that it's high time to start getting rid of her knick knacks or that she isn't eating properly or that she needs a bath.

My sister strolls in and commands my mother's respect and admiration because she is a "Mom" like her, whereas I am a single career woman who has led a life that my mother cannot relate to. My mother criticizes me for how I cut the ham or how I hang the pants in the closet but she absolutely idolizes my sister. She is full of bear hugs and compliments for my sister but then as soon as the door is closed, she turns into the Wicked Witch with me.

This is the double whammy that I deal with. Not everyone on this post has this issue so please, do not respond back to me unless you are in the same position as I am (single and never married woman with a married sibling).

Comments for Double Whammy

Average Rating starstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Rating
starstarstar
Maybe...
by: Christine

Your parameters for answering were very strict; hope I'm not intruding. I'm an only child, divorced from a nice man who I was never in love with, but married to leave the house. Dad's a tyrant. 20 years of apathy later my husband and I divorced and it wasn't his fault. But my parents still think that I did nothing but the wrong things.

Mom's now had a heart attack and two strokes and I live with them to care for her. Dad still thinks all I do is evil, although I cook, clean laundry and bathroom mom every single day. Nothing I do is correct, so I empathize. What good do you have to do for someone to just get it...?

I'm with you...

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Elder Care Anger and Resentment.


Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2017 | All Rights Reserved


Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. Yet Another Worn Out One

    Jun 23, 17 12:08 PM

    SO very tired of babysitting the 90 year old toddlers. And then, if I dare slip in a politically incorrect complaint, I get some mealy-mouthed comment

    Read More

  2. Only caregiver

    Jun 14, 17 10:04 AM

    I have sole responsibility for my father who is nearly 100 and still living at home. He should be in a nursing home but won't go under threat of violence.

    Read More

  3. TUMOR AND LUMP

    Jun 14, 17 09:54 AM

    They are two of an awful, malignant kind. One of them is the man who conceived me and two brothers, not for love, but to conform his image to societal

    Read More