by Doreen
(Sedley, SK. Canada)

In November 2009 mom was declared terminally ill with cancer, and was given 5-6 months to live. My oldest brother and his wife wanted to take her into their home with the rest of the family going there to care for her each day. Well I felt I should take a leave of absence from my job, my boss told me I could have a year if needed, so that's what I did.

I drove to the city every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and took mom home for a weekend which usually was 5 days, well a year went by and I lost my job. I was the only one helping. After the 6 months was up and mom didn't pass away, my sister in-law and brother wanted her out of their home, so I got mom into a respite for 2 weeks, and found an apartment in the city, so I got my two sisters and younger brother on board, living on a schedule.

Now by this time things are progressively getting worse, tumors growing out of moms head, which we have to dress and clean, all pills must be put through her feeding tube, which means mom is getting to be 24 hour care, and she is starting to get angry and selfish. Oh, and forgot to mention I have been doing this for two years now, how very sad.

I also look after everything from banking to groceries. Now everyone is getting stressed out and sick, with headaches, yeast infections, just plain run down. I told mom she would have to go to long term care because everyone is getting run down and sick, well she blew her stack, very angry at me. All family members think it is time, we have done our best at caring for her. Now the best part trying to find her a place. She is with the palliative program, and they just keep wanting us to care for her continuously, they even wanted me to bring mom to my home to live with me, I would go nuts, as that would be my life for the rest of her life.

I do have a family and grandchildren, we also operate a large grain and cattle operation on which i also work. Please tell me that there is somewhere i can turn for help. I have now had a headache for 7 days straight, and a urinary trac infection.

Last summer, I contracted a staph infection that kept me in bed for 3 weeks, and cost me $640.00 for medications, my sister had to take time off from her job to care for mom while I was down. I drive through snow storms all winter just to go look after my mom. Advice is very much welcomed!!

Do we owe our lives to our mother?? Is our Government and healthcare system failing our elderly??

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You Can't Always Fix It!
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for you and your mum, it sounds like you are at the end of your tether! I can't imagine how you have held it together for so long but you simply can't go on. Nobody is benefiting here, so you must stop what you are doing.

I don't know what support you have over there, (I'm in UK) but I'm certain that if you fully explain your circumstances and the fact that you cannot continue to provide the level of care you are giving you will receive offers of help and support, from your Local Authority, statutory bodies and the voluntary sector, help is out there!

You have a right to live your own life, it's not selfish and it doesn't mean you don't care about your mum, you just can't cope anymore. Get help or both you and your mum will suffer..

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