Don't Want to be Bitter

by Laura

I feel horrible for even looking this topic up...but I'm becoming very bitter toward my siblings.

I have lived 30 minutes from my parents since I married. I have been a single mother for the past 14 years to 4 children who are now in college and are home during breaks and holidays.

My father passed away in 2013 after somewhat of a brief illness at the age of 92. My mother is 92 and will be 93 in May. She has gone down hill since my father passed away. I have 1 brother and 2 sisters that live out of state and it have always felt like it has been my responsibility to tend to my parents.

My siblings always say they appreciate all I do but it is very hard on me to juggle my mother now and my responsibilities with my children. I have worked for a school system for 23 years and I think my siblings don't realize my job and family is just as important as theirs.

I take off work without pay to take Mother to doctors appointments...she has fallen twice in the last 6 months. The first fall resulted in a broken wrist which required me staying with her for several weeks during the summer. The second fall was a week ago and thank goodness she didn't break anything.

One of my sisters pays for her to have a medical alert necklace which is a must since my father died. The other sister flies Mother to her home several times a year for a few weeks at a time and I appreciate that time...but it's not enough.

I need to get another job to supplement my salary with the school system but I can't because of the stress of caring for my mother. I know I need to talk to my siblings but I don't how to bring it up. If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it! Thanks for reading!!

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In the Same Boat
by: Anonymous

Laura, your situation sounds quite a lot like mine. I am sorry you were the "elected" one and have to carry this stress on your own. It sounds as if it is time to place Mom in a facility that can watch her and give her the supervision she needs.

This is a safety and well being issue.

I know that sounds harsh, but, even in my case, we have to consider our Mother's health and safety over her, or our wishes. My mother needs more supervision than we can give her, but my siblings think she is just fine alone at home, with a little help. She is more than half way through vascular dementia! They seem to see only her "good" days.

I was the "elected" one as well. Out of the four of us, I was the only one who was able(or would) to care for Mom daily, but, I have my adult son at home. He is disabled, severely bipolar and has not been doing well. The stress of it all was taking a toll on me.

I told my siblings that if they did not help more, that I would have to step back entirely. I told them my son has to come first right now.

All I got was hate and vitriol from them. They were really upset because they thought I would take Mom into my home. I cannot.

My brother is her Power Of Attorney, so he set up days with the Visiting Nurses - that did not work out. We have Home Instead now, but I don't think that is working out either. I go two days a week and pop in on various days.

Request a family conference with her doctor. I did that because I needed my siblings to see where Mom is and what her needs will be. Tell your siblings that this is hurting you physically and financially and you need more help.

Tell them that her safety and welfare must come first. What she needs must come before her wants.

This is a sad, hard thing to have to do, but sometimes it just needs to be. (((HUGS)))

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