Don't Assume

by Susan
(New Jersey, USA)

Trying to keep siblings involved is about as silly ass telling a deadbeat absentee father to care about his kids.


They will make token gestures from time to time but will in no way share responsibility for the elderly parent. You will just become more frustrated if you try to involve them when they couldn't care less about their elderly parent.

As far as support groups go, why would somebody take care of an elderly parent and then use their free time to talk about caregiving?

I never understood that one. Go to dance classes to keep sane and take a million 10 minute breaks to walk around the block. People, take care of yourselves as well as your elderly loved ones.

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Couldn't Agree More
by: Anonymous

Your post says it all! I have two sisters who do minimum care/visiting regarding our elderly parents in assisted living.

I've said to my husband on more than one occasion "you can't make family members care - when they don't!" Past efforts to suggest easy ways to be involved get halfhearted attempts that don't last.

I've quit asking and now discuss other care assistance options w/ my folks since I cannot do it all. I do know this - I've enjoyed getting to hear their stories of their youth - many that were not shared previously & it touches my heart when my mom (who is early dementia) tells me she will never forget my care and kindness.

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Made Me Laugh
by: Anonymous

Which I needed. Thanks for saying that. I have one brother who doesn't even know my mother fell and broke her hip and is in a nursing home because he never calls and we are all tired of calling him.

So, should he ever deign to call, I will fill him in, but until that time I figured it's not worth it.

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You are so right
by: Anonymous

Sometimes your work has to be its own reward. That's not much but it is something

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Couldn't Agree More
by: Anonymous

You're my kind of person. Been through trying to get siblings involved. Lost cause. 10 minute breaks out in the sunshine 3-4 times a day sounds great to me!

Free time I also agree! Why waste time griping about something that won't change until your parent is gone. Go have fun!

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You're Right ...
by: Anonymous

I have to say that your comments are so refreshing....I am at that place now. You are so right!

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Thank you
by: Wendy

Thank you for this, my sister has told my mother she is going to give me directions on how to take my mother to a hospital appointment.

No way, she tells me anything. I have supported mum every day for the past five years, and happy to continue to help as much as I can, but for a sister who visits once a year no way.

Thanks for don't assume it's made me realize that she will never care. Her loss.
v v

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