Doing This All on My Own
Hello, I live with and care for my elderly Mother. She just turned 79. She has as clear a mind as she ever did but physically she has sharply declined. She has Type II diabetes and subsequent renal failure. She isn't on dialysis yet but probably within the next two years she will be. She has hypertension and some chronic pain issues with her back.
When my mother retired from work at 63 she sat in a chair and watched game shows. That's all she has done and that is all she wants to do. Her muscles have atrophied to the point where she can barely walk through the house. Her Doctors have told her this but she thinks I tell them to say that to her. I have a younger sister, she is almost 44. She absolutely refuses to help me with Mom. She tells me that because I moved in with her, it's my "problem to deal with". She knows that I moved in with Mom because I had an apartment and my sister had a house at the time.
Whenever I ask my sister for help or try to talk to her about how difficult it is to deal with her all the time, my sister says and I quote, "it sucks to be you". I want to badly to just box her ears when she does that which is all the time.
She barely even visits my Mother and she lives 15 minutes away. She doesn't
work and her children are grown. Mom always takes up for my sister. She does nothing wrong and when Mom admits that she has, she doesn't want to upset her by saying anything to it. Of course, Mom is on my case 24/7 for something.
Mom has always been very self center and man can she put on a guilt trip. I don't usually fall for them anymore but it is so frustrating. I can't go anywhere without her wanting me to bring something back for her. If I do go somewhere and don't tell her where I am going until after, she gets mad and says," did you ever think I might like to go with you"? "You could have asked me to go along". Then I'm stuck thinking about what to say. Can't tell her I was trying to get a minute for myself.
Mom is very depressing and pessimistic by nature. I try to keep things lighthearted and funny, otherwise I might lose what's left of my mind. How do I get my sister to understand, care and help? I've tried everything I can think of.
She's out having a great time every day and my life is just passing me by. I'm really getting tired of it. I love my mother and I love this time with her but I am having a hard time with my sister's attitude. I am on anti-depressants and nerve pills as it is. I'm just about at my wits end. Please help.