Doing it All

by Chris
(Lebanon, Il, USA )

I have 11 siblings and am taking care of mother with dementia by myself. I will give credit to two sisters who live out of town and come in once a year for about 7-10 days while I get a vacation.

But I do the other 355 days, day-in and day-out, now 24/7 since I quit my job 8 months ago. I could not take the stupidity and laziness of the in-home care givers we spent $200 a day for.

I cannot leave mother alone with her severe dementia. so I lift her in and out of the car, put her in a wheelchair if I go anywhere. Or i am a prisoner in my own home.

She can only walk with assistance with a walker and i continue to make her walk so she has any strength to transfer to chairs, toilet etc.

I push the wheelchair while I pull a cart in the store, or we only buy what she can hold on her lap in the wheelchair. my exercise consists of pushing her around the park.

I most resent my older sister who checked out of family responsibility about 50 years ago, now lives 20 miles away. I guess because I was the responsibly child, it has all fallen on my shoulders.

I believe EVERYONE could do something... even for a few short hours. EVERYONE could step and help. I laugh at the article online suggesting we ASK for help... get over it.

They turn a blind eye, a deaf ear and walk away. Wait til the Will is read... they'll be the first in line to help take it. There is no "guilting" them into it, politely asking for help, praying about it, nothing. they just don't get the "I owe mom" for anything. Get over it.

This crap of "I hate to see mom this way" or "I can't wipe her behind" is just that. IT IS NOTHING BUT SELFISHNESS, pure and simple. And I will never get over it either... I just hope I don't die before her.

Poor thing will end up sitting in a chair in the corner of some facility, which is why i keep her at home.

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I agree !!
by: Lone Caregiver

I am in a similar situation. My mother is living with me. Mom has severe dementia. It is quite a challenging job as caregiver. I have 3 sisters that don't want to change their "manicured" lives to take Mom in.

I am the poorest out of us all. I'm told "Yes.. but you have the biggest heart". Really? Why is that? We were all raised by the same "angel of a mother".

No matter what therapist and caregiver counseling recommends (Let it go. Suck it up. You can't change people", etc) I will forever resent my sisters for walking away... for thinking I'm the best sister to take care of Mom. It's B***S**t.

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