Do I need to invite sister to visit mom in my home

My mom has lived with my husband and our family for a year and a half My children are grown. A 26, 21 and 16 year old live at home. I have 2 other children who have lived here on and off in that time..My sister lives 10 minutes away and never visits my Mom. She and I have had had a strained relationship on and off over the years.

I’ve always been the “favorite“ so that’s certainly a part of it..Anyway, I have said one the few occasions I’ve seen her that “ the house is always open “ to visit Mom

Who is obligated to invite ? I’m starting to think maybe even given her difficult nature I should have invited her to visit my mom since it is my home she may not have felt she could just show up
But she is hard to deal with.

She’s a person I’ve texted invitations in the past before my mom came and she’s just ignored them or said no.

I’m tired of always being rejected

She has only come to get her about 1x a month for a restaurant she hasn’t come for a visit outside of a holiday to visit her.

Not once

I am a person who would have invited her over but kind of sick of it.

In a normal relationship with this scenario, who is responsible for it ? Should the sister just come over or was I wrong I’m not inviting since it’s my home and my mother lives here ?

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Maybe this isn't about your sister
by: Anonymous

Maybe this is about your not setting your own boundaries and expressing what you need? Yeah, your sister bailed on your mom's situation, but maybe you need to be clear to your mom or your other siblings about what you are, and are NOT willing to do.

Maybe sit down and figure that out first.. I am willing to do:______ and unwilling to do _______ any longer. Then help your mom figure out options for what you no longer want to do. Being a helpful person myself, I've noticed people don't give a crap how much they drain me of all energy.

I have to do what I can, and draw a line on what begins to drain too much. It's on ME to make a boundary. Not my sister.

good stuff in this post
by: greenacres

I know you are VERY burdened, but you voiced an excellent suggestion. My sister may be setting her "boundaries" and maybe that's why she has totally cut me out of her life.

I know what it is like, living with mom, I had her in my home for 1.5 years and when she felt stronger we moved her back to her own home. My sister would never allow her to live with her.

Don't know why, but sister got very angry. My sister and I share responsibilities grocery shopping, pharmacy whew lots of drugs! and doctor appts. Any way I totally understand the hurt and resentment.

Life ain't fair when you are related to a narcissist! Make sure to find a way to relieve your stress. I swear I have aged 10 years in the last four!

what about my boundaries
by: Anonymous

I am harboring a lot of hurt and resentment towards my sister . she has her issues and may feel like she wants to set her boundaries but her decisions have caused me and my family so much more work and burdened my life.

I am struggling so hard to do all of these things and yet she gets off without having to do any of the day to day stuff.

you already did!
by: Greenacres

You have already extended the invites. Your mom can see who ever she wants to see, I'm sure. You sound like me and I was given some words of wisdom right here on this site...

Stop being a door mat! Believe me, she knows she can see her anytime she wants, and no matter what you do, you'll be blamed for their own guilt when she's gone. Sad, but true. IMHO. I hope all goes well. Maybe I'm just in a dark mood. Sorry.

Can anyone help
by: Anonymous

Really could use some advice

Why is this a problem?
by: Anonymous

I'm trying to understand why it's a problem that your sister doesn't want to visit your mom? Do you need her help, or do you just feel she should visit her mom? There is a saying; 'every child grows up in a different household.'.

If your sister do any want to visit you or your mom, she may be setting her own boundaries for what she needs.

Maybe she doesn't want to play the second best daughter role and finds it better for emotional or mental health to avoid completely.

We all have to take care of ourselves, and boundaries for the sake of health are good places to start.

It’s ok
by: Anonymous

It’s your home. You don’t enjoy your sister’s company. Mom just happens to live with you. IMO if your sister was interested in a relationship with your mom she would be asking about coming over and also would be taking mom out more than once a month.

AND she would also be taking mom to HER house for visits. Seems to me she thinks mom is a bother. I say let it go, don’t ask, and unless your mom asks you to invite her leave that dog asleep.

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