Disqusted with Elderly Mother who is Rude and Unthankful.

by Dianne
(Nevada)

My sister and I manage our mothers life, basically. She never has well paying bills, and she received a late payment of rent notice, and never let my sister or I know. We take her to doctor appointments, and she is in denial with her memory issues, so the doctor sees to concern as we do.


Our mother does not care about financial responsibilities or any responsibilities like taking a shower. She cost us $200 yesterday in late fees in addition to her rent. She is rude and insensitive to my sisters feelings and mine. We can not eat for the past two days because we are at a loss with our mother...

We are poor and she does nothing but expect us to provide her with everything she desires or she makes our lives impossible...………..AWWWWWW my mom is only 15 years older than I am, and I was screaming at her yesterday, accusing her of her ignorance.

I can not help myself!!!!

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I understand
by: Anonymous

And nor can she help herself. You need to realize that.

You have the advantage that you still think rationally. She doesn't anymore. She lives in a state of confusion and fear. Until the mind is completely gone can you imagine what it's like wondering what is wrong with you? She is no longer the competent woman you knew. It's not her fault just like it won't be yours when it happens to you or me.

The time appears to have come to take more charge of her matters. She appears to live alone, which is amazing in itself. If she would be willing you or your sister or both of you need to have power of attorney enacted through a lawyer. Change the addresses of her bills to come to you. Mark your calendar to call her landlord five days before rent is due to see if it's been paid. If not, get her checkbook and write out the check and her sign it (if you cant get power of attorney to take over her finances.) and get the rent to the landlord. Don't expect her to handle things like this anymore because she can't.

There comes a time when the kids just become the parents. It's a hard transition to make and it's hard on the real parent because they see their independence slipping away and must face the truth that they are no longer who they were. Imagine how frightening that would be!

It only progresses. My mother moved in with me two years ago. She was about at the stage you are describing and she lived alone also at that time. She could no longer fill her pill planners. She couldn't remember if she'd taken them so she would take them again. She would eat moldy food in her fridge and get sick. She quit showering and attending to her own hygiene which caused infections. Two years down the road now she can't remember something I said five minutes ago. I often answer the same question at least twenty times a day. I make her take a shower. She eats little and if she were alone she wouldn't eat at all.

Instead of telling her she's ignorant, educate yourself about this disease of aging so you can help her. The time has simply come for that.

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