Didn't Know Siblings Could be so Hateful!

by Kim
(Miami Dade, Florida USA)

I never knew siblings could be so hateful, mean and outright devious towards their own flesh and blood. I read your stories and could not believe that this is happening to others.

Even though your stories are heinous, it brings me a sense of relief to know that I am not alone and that I am not the only one who has encountered such malicious and vicious acts against them.

I am the elder of my mom’s children and I have always taken care of my younger siblings, because I was raised as such. My mom suffered a mental ailment in my adolescent years and had not been right since I could remember.

I have four siblings, whom mom had with her husband (deceased since 1995) three brothers and one sister.

My brother under me has been incarcerated for the past twenty-three years, a sister under him (who is seven years younger than me) and two younger male brothers (one forty who could never hold onto a decent job) and the youngest is thirty-eight (married with children).

Mom was the true meaning of a housewife and because of her illness; she depended on my step-father for all her needs and with that dependence came the physical abuse, at his will.

After he passed away, I had to step in and look after my mom full-time while maintaining my own household with a husband and three children.

Mom depended on me to pay her bills and run her errands. It would soon become extremely overwhelming and it put a strain on my marriage. My siblings and I decided it would be best that mom come stay with me, since mom needed help full-time and they all had their own lives.

After my divorce, I moved mom in with me and she had been living in my home for the past eleven years.

Earlier on and from time to time, I would ask my sister to assist with mama’s errands. Initially, she did until one day she advised me that she has problems with mom listening to her. And from that day, approximately two years into mom living with me, I never asked my sister for assistance again.

Mom was living on a fixed income, approximately $600 from my stepfather’s retirement, when she moved in my home and there was no other income to support her.

With that amount, I had to take care of all moms’ basic care and needs to include her Doctor’s appointments, medication, and a roof over her head, food, provide lights and water, maintain her personal care, feed her and take her on vacations with no assistance from my siblings.

Mom never left out the county we lived in all the years I could remember. I could still hear her yelling at my stepfather, “You never take me anywhere and all I do is look at the four walls!”

I never wanted her to feel that way again, so I have done my best to get her out of the house. Mom said she never experienced a plane ride, she never went on a cruise and the last time she seen snow was at the age of fourteen, when she left New York.

Since living with me, mom has taken that plan ride to New York; she’s gone on a boat cruise to the Bahamas and she’s seen snow in Washington D.C. and visited the Grand Canyon in Vegas.

My siblings have accused me of stealing mom’s money and saying that I’ve taken all types of trips that I can’t afford, but they fail to realize the trips I’ve taken our mom is right there with me.

My sister has had Internal Affairs come to my home to question my mom when I’m not home and she has really assassinated my character to close friends of the family.

Everywhere I go, I find myself trying to bail myself out of the lies that has been told against me and it’s simply not fair, as I have done the best I could in trying to provide our mom with comfort and give her a life that I felt she deserved, but in the interim my life has turned into a complete Hell while trying to take care of my mother and it’s just not fair.

To date, my brother has told family friends that I am dead to him and my sister has told other members that she has no sister and she hates the fact that I am treating our mother the way I do.

She has single handed destroyed our family and the relationship that we had with one another and she has taken my nieces (Her five daughters whom I’ve been close to since birth) away from me as a aunt.

I never knew a sibling could be so vindictive.

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Selfish vs.Selfless
by: Anonymous

I can definitely relate to your situation. I get so angry, more than often, and feel as though I out of control. I went through the Dept of Aging and got a CAP (client assistance program) Worker who comes out 40 hours a week.

My mother makes a little ore than your mom and we do not have to come out of our pocket to pay. CAP has two programs-(1) you go through an agency or (2) CAP choice - where you can choose whom you want. n my case its one of her younger sisters who took an early retirement.

This was an enormous help while I was at work. But I have found that as the dementia progresses and she digresses - I am now faced with the stress of her evening, early morning and weekend care. Unfortunately, there are no other programs she qualifies for.

I myself, am a 54 year old female, who had c3-c4 neck fusion surgery little over 1 & 1/2 year ago and will have to do in-home therapy for the rest of my life.

The stress of it all usually finds it way right back to my neck area- leaving me feeling tense, tight, in pain, and very irritable.

$600 is nowhere near the amount of money needed to buy, pay or negotiate your peace of mind! You need that money plus some!!!

I pray that you find an outlet and or some assistance that will provide you a well deserved break.

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you are so strong
by: Anonymous

I fully understand how you can be so disappointed with your siblings.I take care of my 43 year old handicapped daughter er and ten years ago my oldest son was in a car accident (he was not at fault) and needed full time care.they both live with us and I am happy to care foe them.

I realize this will probably be until I am too old to do it any longer while my son was fighting foe his life my sister who I thought I was close to totally went off on me. Dreamed at me called me stupid,I guess because wanted to take care of my kids and not institutionalize them.that was so hard while I mourned a son who would never be the same I lost a sister.

You are so good to take her on trips. $600 a month is not much.People don't understand you end up spending your own money to fill in.keep up the good work.God sees and will reward you in due time.care giving is lonely.

No one picks it for a profession but so many of us do it.I was very bitter especially about three years after the accident.the cards and concern were over I was trapped at home with an angry cognitive impaired person and a total care retarded daughter.no one helped and we live in a rural area without many programs.

I urge you to take up a hobby you love.for me it was music.try to get some exercise and take care of your grooming so when you do get out you can feel a part of society.

People will almost always let you down,but thank God for the good ones that shine through.bless you.

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Sorry to hear this
by: Violet Rose

I am sorry to hear all of what you are going through. Life will change and won't always be the same.

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