Dealing with the Memory Loss of Aging Parent
I do not resent being the only one (out of 4 children) who is doing everything for my father. I made peace with it a long time ago. I have now lost my job and knowing I can't get another one because I have to be there to help him and a new employer is not going to stand for me missing time off - yet I still don't mind.
But I am having a great deal of stress on how to deal with my fathers memory loss. I have learned that he does not want to be corrected when he has his facts mixed up so I have stopped correcting him. It really is not important anyway.
But what is important to me is that he thinks my husband stole from him and he didn't. This has been going on for over 5 years now and I am at the end of my rope on how to deal with it. Nothing, and I mean nothing, I have suggested for a solution will work. His doctor has said that my father does not want a solution. He is unhappy about losing most of his eye sight and that's the real problem.
My father even called the police (after threatening for years) and that did not work to his satisfaction. I was actually glad when he did get the police to come because I thought that would end it but no such luck. They immediately realized he had memory problems and did nothing. And he now resents the police.
When he goes off on this he becomes a different person. So violent that I am actually afraid of him sometimes. His facts make no sense and he does not hear you when you try to
reason with him. He accuses me of stealing and lying to him when I haven't. While it hurts very much I know deep inside that it is his memory fading. But this makes it harder for me to do what I need to do to help him.
He refuses to accept he has memory loss even though his doctor has talked to him about it and he knows he is taking medicine to help with memory loss. It has gotten so bad that now he thinks I am stealing his stuff to give to my husband and the violent outbreaks are even worst than before.
I have tried to walk away and leave when he starts but he will continue when I come back the next day to check on him. This can go on for days and days in a row. Even when he is not talking about it you can tell it's on his mind 24/7. It really is a total obsession with him.
I have searched on the internet on how to deal with this situation but have not found any help and I am afraid of the toll it is taking on my health not to mention my life.
My Dad is 86 and has survived 3 different cancers and does not have any life threatening ailments right now. I expect he will probably live another 10+ years but I won't. He will never voluntarily go into assisted living and he will not let anyone else come to his house to help him. He trusts no one.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to deal with this anger from him I would be most appreciative. Like I said, sometimes I actually get scared when he is having a flare up.