Dealing with a Difficult Parent
by Donna W
(Poplar Grove, Illinois)
My mom has recently become bedridden. I have been taking care of her for the past six years due to a stroke she had. She lived over an hour away and I was going to her home every weekend to do her laundry, cleaning, shopping and paying her bills. Finally after a year of doing this she agreed to move to a senior apartment complex in my area.
That was a big relief because I didn't have that long drive through horrible construction and weather. So for five years I was doing the same things but she was closer and it was so much easier to do. Well two months ago she ended up in the hospital for three days and when she came home she had oxygen and seemed to be weak.
Since then she has been going downhill. She now suddenly cannot walk and hardly eats anything, however she does manage to sit up in bed and have a cigarette. Oh man the cigarettes, what an ordeal that has been. She is not a polite smoker. She always thought it was her right to smoke and if you don't like it then walk away.
The only problem is she won't just let me walk away. She only wants me to care for her and she also wants me to be with her 27/7. I have temporarily quit work, I don't hardly see my family and unfortunately I am despising her for that and its killing me. I won't let her live in my house because she smokes.
I consider my mom to be selfish and not thinking of other people when it comes to smoking. If I get angry at her about it and say something she just replies with "you don't love me anymore". She is very good at trying to make someone feel guilty.
Well this time I replied back and said "you don't love me. Second hand smoke is not good for me yet you still do it anytime you want". I do understand that it is a horrible addiction for her much like an drug addict or alcoholic.
I just can't stand getting mad at her knowing she will not be here much longer and I will have guilt feelings when she is gone. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!