by Jen
(Long Island New York)

Sold my house and moved in with my elderly mother (she's 89...will be 90 in September and I am 69) to help care for her 6 months ago because I felt the situation warranted it...

Mind you, my brother (67) has been living at home for a number of years. I cook for her 7 nights a week, prepare lunch, help with breakfast. (She tries to do breakfast by herself).

This is an extremely difficult person to please, as she is very picky (about everything)...

On top of it all, there has always been resentment on her part towards me...mean spirited and loves to control..

I have always tried to limit visits to her because I always felt uncomfortable in her presence.

Living here now has me in a very unhappy situation with no way out...To add to the whole mess, my brother just sits on his ass all day either at the computer and does nothing else(she has always favored her boys) except smoke (just had heart surgery and went back to smoking 3 weeks later).

No regard for his health and I am the complete opposite....Needless to say we have no relationship at all.

Is there any solution for me....

P.S. I have no interest in mending or working on relationships...I have not contributed to the ill will that has been directed toward me all of my life...just need some suggestions here..

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Youngest daughter of sick 89 mother
by: A Daughter Also

I'm in the same boat, I have two older brothers which don't want to take care of mom no longer so they offered me if I move into my moms house they will sign the house over to me, but I have to live there.

Here's what I don't get,one brother is power of attorney over mom, he controls her monies everything do I gain that also or do I get the house and mom and that's it they both get there freedom it doesn't sound fair to me
Any advice for me?

Understand Perfectly
by: Anonymous

I also gave up my home (although I still keep it and pay bills)to live with mom. She is almost 99 when she is sick, they all disappear, but give their opinions try to show I've missed something.

Most of her friends and family see me as an intruder they don't like my presence, although no one comes more than once a week to visit - family less often.

I even recently got an email from a friend from Italy who had heard from neighbors that my mother lost weight. She actually did lose one pound and I know that because of very regular visits to an excellent doctor who has assured me that I am doing a good job and my therapist who feels that she is alive because of my good care.

Wish we lived closer so that we could be friends and be mutually supportive. To remember - most people are selfish and self-absorbed. They could not possibly understand what you have done, because it is so rare for children to give up their personal freedom for their parents.

You feel almost like an orphan-or Cinderella - and the more that you do, the less you are appreciated.

But I appreciate what you are doing, because I truly understand it. My therapist told me that others are jealous because they would NEVER
DO WHAT WE DO - and they hide their guilt by finding fault with us. Be well and know that you are a kind and loving person....try to keep distance from the mean ones - because once you let them in, they strike out at you - they have no self-knowledge and even less self control. From a caring "friend".

Get the Heck out of THERE ASAP!
by: Anonymous

My mother is 89 and if she doesn't tell me I'm fat, I've done something wrong every time, or that I'm a bad person. She also said my husband is lazy and he isn't at all, he works extremely hard. She is very picky, I had what I though was a heart attack not good as a newlywed!

I finally told my brother that I can't take it anymore. Since then he seems to have take over. If I have to go over there as soon as I get inside my anxiety starts, and I can't wait to hotfoot it out of there.

I love my mother but for years we have a love hate relationship and as she gets older nothing is good enough.

If you can call the agency on aging and find help and get out of there! Now run

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