Daughter

I travel for my work and am gone 40+ weeks/year. This leaves the care of my elderly mother to my 2 sisters.


Needless to say, they are very upset that I am not able to contribute much. My work is very demanding, and even the weeks I am home, I am working in a very busy call center with poor staffing, making it difficult for me to leave to make doctor appointments and things with my mother.

I understand their anger at me, but just don't know what to do. I have tried having my mother stay with me when I am home and she is not happy doing that. She lives with my older sister, and the primary burden falls on her shoulders.

Any suggestions?

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One suggestion...
by: Anonymous

Hi, at least you are concerned...which is more than my siblings show.
I wanted to suggest that when you have time off, like the weekends, to volunteer to take your Mom for at least one of those days, if not both. At least twice a month. that would give the primary caregivers a huge break....I know. Because I only have a once a month time out of my situation and any time away from the constant caregiving, helps. Plus they will appreciate you for contributing when you can. Willingness to do so, will mean a lot.

I have a sister in law that said she couldn't do anything cause she was pregnant, but I had a hard time with that one because when I was 8 months pregnant with a 17 month old to care for, I took in an uncle that was wheel chair bound. Also, my then healthy mom called to ask if her pregnant daughter would do this because she just "couldn't" although she lived in a large home, and I in a small home, etc.

So anger and resentments rise in me a lot but I do try to keep in mind that my siblings do have full time jobs, etc. and I think they are in denial as well as "scared". But thank you for caring in your family! God bless you and hope things get worked out.

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I Have an Idea
by: Anonymous

If you work so much you must make good money. Take a week's vacation and take care of your mother. Give your sisters money to go somewhere so they can get a break.

Nothing you can do will truly ever be enough. If you cared you would figure something out on your own and not have to ask strangers for their advice.

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Interview Time
by: Christine

It's good to hear from someone on the other side of this situation. No, you don't have to give up your life; that will only bring resentment.

Please try to find some outside help that works for everyone; there are some amazing people out there doing exactly what you need, but you can't just hire out of the book, or by a referral. You need to take some time, maybe even some time off, to be sure you connect with the right person for your unique situation. The person who is right for someone else may not be right for your loved one.

Involve your mother in the choice so she doesn't think you're forcing someone on her. You're a businessperson; treat this as an interview - but with Mom, the ultimate consumer, as a part of the review board. It will make things better in the long run.

Best wishes.

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Daughter
by: Anonymous

Know you are torn but try to find some way to work it out. Can you cut down on your work schedule? Take time off every so often and give your sister a break?

I am the only daughter with 4 brothers who don't do a thing to help. I know how angry and resentful I get even though I wouldn't want her to live with any of them--just wish they would show they care.

It would mean a lot to your sister, I'm guessing, if you just did something to show your support.

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