Daughter to Care Giving Parents

I need to vent. Maybe I am being selfish but I am so angry. About 5-6 years ago my adorable grandmother moved in with my parents. We were all supportive of this decision.

I am 31 with a 7 year old and a baby on the way. I have always had a close relationship with my mom and dad, but especially my mom. But as soon as my grandmother moved in I have not seen my own mother who lives less than 5 minutes away as much. I have had "alone" time with her maybe 3 times in the past 5-6 years.

Saturday my dad and her stopped by to see us for 5 minutes and my dad promised to come back in an hour to take my son golfing. I asked my mom to come back so we could spend some time together and she said yes. Well, my dad came back alone.

I am 8 months pregnant and my last pregnancy ended in a stillbirth. I need my mom but she is not available. She is stressed out because she is working full-time and taking care of my 92 year old grandmother who gets lost easily. I have been going over when my parents are working but it is stressing me out and I know that I need to take care of myself.

My aunts and uncles (some of which live 5 minutes away) don't share in the responsibility. My dad has started drinking and I guess getting drunk. Two years ago we bought my parents a much needed vacation to Italy which they never took and we were out thousands of dollars because instead of canceling or postponing the trip they just didn't go. They didn't ask anyone to sit with my grandma. They just don't ask.

And now my son has been asking about them because we hardly ever see them. I am so angry at my mom that I cannot even think clearly sometimes.

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Your Age and in Your Parents Shoes
by: Anonymous

I am 31 with 2 children and the sole caregiver to my grandparents. Your parents are suffering horribly, doing the best they can but its taking a toll on them. The drinking is to cope with the stress on them.

I myself am struggling with the urge to indulge so to speak, but am doing my best to realize that wouldn't solve my problem. I understand it's making you angry, but imagine how angry they must feel losing out on a great relationship with you and your kids. It would really be a test of strength on their part.

I know how hard this job is and I have an 8 and 4 year old to raise while doing it. Maybe once you come to terms with your feelings, you could offer your parents a word of praise for their hard work. Tell them you love and miss them.

Been Where you Are
by: Anonymous

My mother also cared for her aging mother from the time she was 92 until she was 99. She moved in with my parents the year before I had my son and right after my mother retired - she is a retired Registered Nurse.

My grandmother passed away when my son was 4 years old and 6 months later my mom had a major stroke which I feel was directly related to stress of caring for her mother. My dad and I have now taken on the role of her caregiver. I hope your parents and you will find peace soon.

Wish I could...
by: Christine

I would love to invite you over for tea or something. I can't speak about your situation just based on your comments, but I wish I could be there for you, as we have much in common. Even if you don't reply back, best wishes to you and your baby. My heart is with you.

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