Daughter Of Mother who is Caregiver for Companion

by Deb
(Sacramento CA)

My mother has been living with her companion for 22 years about 4 years ago he started not moving around much and we have noticed that he doesn't remember how to do things on the computer, or what day it is or what he ate for lunch.


He is a diabetic, very over weight, uses a walker can't wipe him self and is incontinent and wears a diaper now. He is in a Nursing home due to getting a bad diaper rash and for the 3rd time a urinal infection.

While having this rash he wasn't wearing a diaper and my 90 year old, in good health mother was always washing bedding. He also doesn't want to take showers even through his son put in a step shower and took out the tub. he gets two insulin shots a day.

My mom is getting really tired and I feel her health is going bad, she needs him to be in a home. He has 3 siblings but they just don't give a darn and expect my mom to deal with it. He has 5 kids with the same attitude. So here is my question....How do my mom and I make sure he stays at the nursing home and not come home?

We have no help and he is on Medical as he is set up for the medical to take his money and that is it. So if he insists on coming home who can stop him?.....my mom and I can't do this any more.

Any suggestions would be helpful. Thank you and have a nice Thanksgiving Deb

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Care of companion
by: Anonymous

If your mom is not legally married to him, she or you are not responsible for his care especially if he is not cooperating with diet, hygiene etc. he is doing that to himself and there are consequences. His own family need to step up to the plate and help with these cares if he refuses or his own kids refuse to have him in the nursing home.

Your mother is not a young person and she could easily suffer grievous bodily injury while performing care. I’m sure she loves him but she should not risk her safety and become disabled or dead.

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