Daughter - Caregiver


(Pennsylvania)

I live a block away from my father. I have 2 brothers that do not (nor will) help take care of my 83 year old father. Dad has a lot of health issues and uses a walker to get around, but I've seen him not use his walker when he thinks I don't see.


He leaves messes (dirty dishes, food on counters, dog and cat hair constantly on floor. He does absolutely nothing for himself. He won't even try, but he can. I am being run ragged and if I gently try to tell him these things, he has half a smirk on his face. I feel so used!!

I'm trying to be the best daughter to him. I have Degenerative Disk Disease, so my back goes out quite often. Vacuuming, etc. is very painful. What do you do in a situation like this? There is no life for me anymore.

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Feel a Littlle Stronger
by: Anonymous

Christine:

Thank you for your response. Especially your last paragraph. I don't feel so alone this morning. There is not much money at all, but my brothers aren't sure. I've asked them for assistance...
nope! I certainly never asked for this job, but I love my dad. I'm sure they'll be knocking when this is over...so sad! One brother comes to visit about an hour every couple of months. The other, nothing. Calls once in a blue moon. Dad was always good to them too and helped them when they needed it. Just boggles the mind!

Agency on Aging is helping somewhat with diapers, etc. when they have some. I've brought it up to my father about someone coming in for even 3 hours every couple of days and he won't hear of it. Something has to give and with your reading my post, I feel encouragement and that I must do something before I go downhill myself...60 is right around the corner. Yikes!! I need to become stronger in this whole matter.

Have a wonderful day!!

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Fix it Yourself
by: Christine

Don't waste your time or energy on your brothers; if they haven't helped by now they probably won't unless it serves them in some way (inheritance?)

Hire someone for as many hours as you can afford to do what you can't or shouldn't do, like housework. Check out senior services or visiting nurses for an aide to come in, even once a week, to make sure Dad is clean, and to keep an eye on his health.

If your brothers can't or won't help, maybe they'll help you hire a little assistance in exchange for you not bothering THEM for it.

You have to take care of yourself too; no one can do what you're doing alone, nor should they have to. Best wishes.

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