Daughter (69) Only one to care for 97 year dementia mother. I can't do this anymore.

by Rhonda
(Florida)

My 97 year old mother is in a wheelchair (one leg), has stage one dementia, hallucinates & is paranoid (occasionally.) She never goes out, I have to argue with her to go to a doctor, nothing I do is good enough, she criticizes everything I do. I honestly think she hates me.

I can't go back to work because she can't be left alone for more than a couple of hours. I have no life at all, & no friends anymore because I'm tied to my house. My mother is well off financially & has a good monthly income. I only have a very small SS check that I barely get by on for myself. My mother refuses to help me financially. Not for me, but for her living here she could help.

She always lived with my older sister until 8 months ago when my sister was in a car accident & suffered brain damage. My sister was just released from rehab today but won't be back home for 2 or 3 months because she also needs surgery for a brain aneurysm. She said she can't take care of our mother anymore. A few months ago someone (I think the hospital) sent an adult protective investigator to check on my mother & make sure her living conditions were suitable. They ended up telling her she had to pay half my mortgage, electric, water, gas & food. She was abusive with the woman but said she would if she had to. She did for a few months, but it was always an argument for her to give me a check.

Now, this month, she says she isn't paying me anymore because she doesn't have to pay my bills & I don't do enough for her for her to pay me that much money. I don't know what to do. I can't afford to support her & she's my mother, but my life is a living hell. She refuses to go to a nursing home & the law says I can't make her. WHAT do I do? I'm going to lose my mind.