Dad Just Died and Sibling Attacks

I am the youngest of four children. My mother is 86 and unhappy with the healthcare decisions that my brother helped her make for my dad. My mother believes that my dad was put in a nursing home unnecessarily.


She decided to remove my brother as healthcare surrogate and name me in his stead. My brother completely flipped out because when he asked my mother why she did it she said that she didn't want to be put in a nursing home. She never was one to gloss things over. A simple "it's just more practical" approach would have sufficed.

So now that my mom is staying with me, as my father did the last six weeks of his life, my brother has called and given her the ultimatum that he would never visit my home ever again and the only way he would see her was at her home an hour and a half away. He bashed my husband and I and upset my mother a lot. He accused me of trying to alienate his family from her even though I've made it clear that he and anyone in his family are welcome at my home anytime.

I should say that for thirty years my mother has lived next door to my oldest sibling, a sister who is very close to my brother. Now, that mom is staying with us we are the "evil people".

What in the world should I do? I'm afraid to call my brother because I think he will only yell at me. I have e-mailed, but have not gotten any response. I may have lost his relationship forever...this is how I feel.

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I'm I so Naive....Sibling Turned on Me
by: Anonymous

OMG, I am so glad that I am not the only eldest daughter 24/7 caretaker going through this. I feel so much better that their are more caring compassionate people like me out their.

I have been so upset,depressed. I just spent my first ever Thanksgiving alone. The last 50 years I spent with my dad. We spent the last 10 together alone.

My dad suffered a slight stroke,diagnosed with Parkinson's, I took on the long hard road with him. He taught me more about life love and respect than I ever knew .

He is my hero I miss him dearly. I am so blessed that I had this experience . Greed and fighting is all around me with probate I just smile in my heart because I know my dad's quality of life made him happy . He loved me.

I did it for love not money.

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Sibling Rivalry in my Family Too
by: Anonymous

I'm youngest of 4. My oldest brother took over Power of Attorney when almost older sister gave it up because he was attacking her for being mean to me?? Sibling rivalry abounds. It is disappointing for me to see my siblings act this way. I guess a caretaking situation brings out the worst in some people and the best in others.

I'm just here to take care of dad and the more my siblings fight the more I am ashamed of them.

I feel used as a caretaker by my siblings. I care for the home, get groceries, my son cuts the grass, I'm here for the nurses, aids, meals on wheels, clean up his potty, dress him, etc... Dad's life has become my life. I barely get paid but am grateful I get something for this.

Because I am unemployed and do not have a home I have chosen to stay with dad. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.


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Mom Comes First
by: Anonymous

You did right by taking her in. This lady gave birth to you. She raised you. She is the reason you are here. I too take care of my 92 year old mother.

My brother is no help ay all. My nephews have not visited her in over two years. I, her youngest will not let her down. My mom comes first.

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Mom comes First.
by: Anonymous

I am a 48 year old single male. My mother is 92 years old and lives with me. My brother is 64 years of age and is no help. Me nephews wanted to place their grandmother in a nursing home. I told them that was out of the question.

Now they make effort to contact their grandmother. Mom is on good health and happy. I never bring up the others for fear of depressing her. My mother comes first.....

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Nursing Home and my Mom
by: Anonymous

My mom is now in dementia and getting worse. I moved here two years ago to be with her and try and keep her from going into a nursing home. My brothers are unwilling to help.

I have finally realized that in the not to distant future a nursing home is most likely where she will be. Not my fault. It is what it is.... My advice to all is that we as younger working folks still have our lives and should not allow our parents who are in bad health to over run our lives.

It is what it is and sometimes a nursing home is the best for all concerned.

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