Dad Abused Me - Now I Have to Care for Him?

My mother and father were both very abusive (physically and mentally) when I and my sister were children. My sister and I both worked hard to get away from my parents. My sister got away successfully and never looked back. I tried to mend relationships and was doing "O.K." with my parents providing we lived over 1,000 miles apart. Well, very long story short, my mother passed away and my father now lives with me.


He has been here almost a year now and I am losing it. He is still verbally abusive, rude, and defiant while also being broke.

I want and need him out of my home but at the same time recognize that he is alone and incapable of managing his finances or health correctly.

He receives a menial medicare check each month (barely enough to cover the rent on a studio in my area not enough for anything else). NO ONE in the family will assist me/him.

I'm just told "Good on you for helping him cuz I couldn't do it." Well I can't either folks :( I also can't just kick him to the curb to be homeless.

As his ability to care for himself declines, I also find my ability to work with him declining. I'm hiding in my own home to avoid him which I know is not good caregiving!

I'd like him to live out the rest of his life as best as possible but I don't want this at the expense of my own life declining exponentially as old childhood wounds and new stress with him collide.

It was a huge mistake for me to offer him a room when my mom died. I did not realize (noting I had not physically seen him in years prior) just how bad things were and how he would behave or how much it would hinder my own healing.

Now I think...ironic, he got away with the abuse but if I kick him out, am I going to get in trouble for elder abuse? He ABSOLUTELY REFUSES to consider apartment living or assisted living situations and he refuses medical or psychiatric care (I have to LITERALLY FIGHT WITH HIM to get him to see a doctor for anything....

I do not want to be responsible for him, and he currently has all his own rights/powers legally to do whatever he wants (he still drives though it's a bad idea). He's also still fairly young at 68 years old but cognitively he's somewhere between 2 and 15)

How horrible am I to just want to wash my hands of him and never look back?

How do I send a man packing that refuses to go?

How do I send a man out who is not capable of finding a place to live or managing his bills or taking care of himself?

How do I get him help if he refuses to take any of it???

I feel imprisoned caring for my abuser.

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Under no obligation
by: Anonymous

Hi,
I really do not think you are under any obligation to care for him. Can you get social services involved, explain the history and the current situation. Would they help find a place for him to go to?

He has no right to stay with you if you don't want him there. He is still behaving in a nasty way so get him out! You are no longer a child under his power, things have changed.

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