Communication Breakdown

by Anonymous
(USA)

My parents, who are in their 60's always insisted that they were in good health and there was simply nothing to worry about. (Never mind that planning helps prevent worry). They would give no specifics about how to handle their affairs if something were to happen. My mother just said that it would all be taken care of.


My mother’s life-threatening illness has brought out the best, but mainly the worst in all of us. Today, she is a cancer patient clinging to life. It’s has been a shock to all of us. I’ve been one of two primary caregivers.

Not enough other people are helping with her care. They are in denial and she’s helping to keep them there. She is dishonest about how sick she really is. She misrepresents the situation and her symptoms to doctors, friends and extended family.

My mother, who was diagnosed six months ago, may not make it to the end of this year. I have made little progress uncovering her wishes regarding hospice, estate planning and so on. A year ago, I wouldn’t have believed this were possible. I never expected to be in this position so soon.

I don’t know how to be a caregiver. It’s so tiring. Nothing I do seems to be right or enough. Most of all, I don’t want to resent other people for not springing into action and I don’t want to feel relief if my mom passes away from this illness. Sadly, things are headed in that direction.

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Thanks
by: Anonymous

Best of luck to you and everyone who is a caregiver.

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HI
by: Anonymous

My mother is the same way no matter what you do for her it's not right or never enough or not good enough. My mother is 90 and was dx with Pulmonary Fibrosis at 85 the life expectancy is about 5-8 years.

Her weight has plummeted from 180lbs to 110 according to her. But I think it is more like 90lbs and she is still dropping weight. She swears she eats but I know she is not eating. I have tried to cook for her but according to her my cooking sucks. I myself have health issues and can't do as much as use to I have Fibromyalgia.

Now my mothers care has been left to my brother and she complains about what he does. He doesn't do anything right, and can't show right. So I tell her that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. She got so bad I practically had a heart attack running me around and making me crazy.

Please get help with her or you will end up like me bitter and I really don't even want to see her I know that she will abuse me every chance she gets.

Recently she has changed a lot she is nicer because I think she know her days are numbered. She also recently gave me $10,000 which is my inheritance to help us buy our new house. Which was kind of her. She has changed very much and now I enjoy seeing her about ever other week.

I hope your mom realized her precious you are.

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