Change of Life Child, to be Slave for Mother

by Larcelia
(Sacramento, Ca)

Well, from the start of my life I've been told by my Mother that her previous husband before he died, told her that she needed to have one more child to take care of her needs and do things that she wished for her other children, in all actuality..

My siblings are all Married and have life with children.. NOW if you noticed this Man was not my father..... She just kept brain washing me for her future use, I've never been Married have been told by people that your Mother said she doesn't think you need a husband because she needs you for help with other grand children and your father who has Alzheimer...

Okay, that is the beginning, now I did manage to work for 31 years and retire with also no vacation of my own , always stayed with my Dad while she went on Vacation.

I told her I need my life , I have my own child I want to do things with.. I'm so tired now, I'm not going want to take care of you, but what happens, you guessed it is me and myself and I, being brain washed back and forth by 96 year old mother and 81- down to 57 year old siblings that when they have to do something for it is always well their is our sister...

And to add also for the record I've had always been thanked with meanness ungratefulness, I try to please her, clean urine, bath, pick up toilet paper from bathroom to bedroom where it never makes it to the toilet or potty chair... I love cooking I try to make her meals to her asking and everyone I know I'm a great cook..Only do my siblings say, Oh maybe we need to put her in a care facility.

When they have plans of their own of going on with their lives so they wont have a guilt trip, when they are moving with their kids or going to live a retired life with their kids..

This is my third time coming back here to her house to take care of her , I feel like the movie GREY GARDENS.... When I try to communicate with them I'm always cut off in The middle of my conversation... Then when I'm screaming to get heard I'm crazy...

Well, I talk to God, but then I listened to him... He said don't let it bother you anymore give to me and I will take care of it....

I'm in constant prayer I how one day he gives me an abundant life, I'm tired of crying, because I don't want this horrible torture anymore

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Hate to say
by: Anonymous

I hate to say, but she needs to go to assisted living or nursing home. Eventually you will have illness related to stress (possibly a debilitating stroke) and then who is going to take care of you? Nobody other than the nursing home staff.

Seek a solution for your health and hers.
by: Mothers Assistant

Dearest Friend,
My heart goes out to you for your situation. It is apparent that you are having a difficult time adjusting to the demands of familial care on round three.

Forget about what your siblings should be helping with, and seek professional assistance or care for your Mother. At that frail age it is paramount that you do not get exhausted emotionally where your judgement may be impaired.

Thank heavens we have this site to help express ourselves. Yet it is clear that you require an assistant of your own or a release from these duties. Since you stated that you were told you exist for the purpose of an elder care aid, indicating a pre-programmed mind set to be in this position, you have every right to feel the way you do.

The amount of guilt for not fulfilling this duty is what you are dealing with. If your financial needs are set for yourself through your own means, and your mother's finances are not in jeopardy then you must seek outside professional help with Senior Care.

There are many groups out there, "Helping Hands" or other senior caregiver programs that can be contacted and maybe are in your area.

Now, it is how you deal with the solution that is up to you, it is best understood by a qualified professional and I advise you to get one right now. Have you spoken to your Mothers medical professionals about her needs and the stresses that these needs have put on you?

It is obvious that your siblings are not capable of dealing with her intensive needs or they would be time sharing this responsibility.
May God bless and keep you safe and sane.

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