Caught in the Middle
Where do I begin? I didn't realize there were so many of us out there till I got on this page. I am taking care of my boyfriend's father 24/7. My boyfriend works away,siblings live away, and I have no friends in this area when I need to just vent(would be nice once in awhile).
The person I care for needs constant eyes watching him. Not steady on his feet falls down a lot, doesn't go to the restroom without help and sometimes I have to tell him what to do and he doesn't comprehend so I need to put things in its rightful position. Doesn't want to eat most of the time and I just want to scream because all my efforts seems useless.
I have to wait till someone is available to watch him for me to go shopping and (I feel rushed at that)don't get to go out for dinners.(just hear everyone else's good time). Don't get sleep either. Just seems like I gave everything up and no one wants to help do their share. Once again, this is no relative of mine and I do not get paid for this and I get no breaks, but yet I continue to care for this person because he is such a nice person and his condition was not his fault.
He doesn't have the resources to be put in a home and our only option was for one of the kids to take care of him. And I chose here because the other kids didn't see fit to it. He didn't fit in their lifestyles. Now, I just wish for a few hours to be able to not feel guilty for wishing I had time for myself......SO ALONE. Is that so wrong?
Sometime I feel that this is a punishment for what I don't know, then I stop and think that this was a wonderful decision. Sometimes I just want to scream VERY LOUD. I know his condition is worsening and that again is not anyone's fault but just a friend or time to get it off my mind for a few minutes would help so much and yet this all seems like a inconvenience for some here.
Oh how life has changed in this household. Thanks for listening and letting so many of us know now that we are not alone.