Caring for Wife's Mother
My wife and I (mostly my wife) take care of her mother in our home. Her mother suffers from a treatable lymphoma and has other issues including kidney disease.
She has difficulty in walking and pretty much needs 24 hour attention (she stays up all night watching TV but needs assistance to go to the bathroom and go to bed). She has lived with us for 5 years.
When she first moved in, it was supposed to be for a short time, but 5 years later here we are. My wife's sister, who lives 4 hours away, does come periodically to help out and to let us take short trips away from home. However, a brother who lives here in our town will only take her to doctors' appointments and isn't willing to let his mother live with him and his wife (he doesn't want to stress his wife out).
They have a large home and no kids at home, but they don't want to change their lifestyle. We have our ups and downs. We also have two teenagers who need and want our attention as well.
During the holidays it is stressful as we always have to host all family events because my mother-in-law can't leave the house. So, on top of daily care for her mother, my wife has to feed and entertain up to 25 people each Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I've gotten to where I dread the holidays as I don't want to be around my wife's siblings because I bear resentment that we ended up being the primary caregivers.
My brother-in-law is always telling us what we should be doing different to make my mother-in-law more comfortable. Now he
is telling me that I should install a wheelchair lift in our garage to make getting her in and out for doctors' appointments easier.
I am an introvert by nature and I crave my alone time which I never get any more as the house is always filled with relatives, nurses, and visiting friends (my mother-in-laws friends).
I hate that I have this resentment as my mother-in-law is really a nice person and didn't want this to happen. I know we will be grateful that we took care of her when she finally passes away but right now it seems it will never end.
We rarely get to go out and enjoy ourselves and we have to find someone to stay with the MIL if we want to do something together with our kids.
I feel like a terrible person because I just want it to end but everyone keeps telling me what a wonderful person I am to do what I am doing. I don't think that I am a wonderful person because deep inside I am very resentful.
Our marriage is very rocky right now because my wife is usually stressed out (which she takes out on me) and I am usually annoyed because I have no privacy in my own home. This is not how I imagined our lives to be right now.
We have just recently hired some help to come every day to help with lifting and bathing. This helps but it is yet another person in our home taking away my privacy. Sometimes I just think that I will rent a hotel room just for myself and spend a few days alone. But I know I never will.