Caring for My Mother Alone

by Susan
(Rhode Island)

I was caring for my parents in a small way while I worked. When my father passed my mother was left with a large tenement house.

When she decided to sell it, she asked my husband & I to help. My younger sister was not happy that I was chosen for this project.

As I am the middle child and very organized, my mother chose me to do this. I was still working at the time and had a 2 year old daughter. My older sister who lives on the West coast and had not spoken to my parents for years didn't have an opinion as she spoke to no one anyway.

My mother than asked me to take her to a lawyer to set up her Will. We did & at that time my younger sister was made Power Of Attorney for her healthcare. At this time, she (my younger sister) was still angry about not being part of the house sale and our meeting with the lawyer until the end & didn't speak to me.

My mother was in her right mind and decided to move into an elderly housing facility. Everything was good. I was still working and raising my daughter with my husband.

She was diagnosed with ADHD so doctor visits were many. A lot of time was needed out of work for me. My mother was still very ambulatory at this time. Eventually, she couldn't drive & I was appointed caregiver as she told me that I was retired and my sister worked.

And so it began.

I was having terrible trouble with my daughter at the time as she was now in high school. My husband was not supportive of me. I was running for Mom food shopping, doctor appointments, cleaning, doing her wash. She needed to see me everyday. My younger sister did nothing.

As my mother got more frail I was allowed to get help for her. She didn't like it but I
too set some boundaries as my life was falling apart. I felt that I was doing a good job with her, and my daughter because I was always frazzled.

Just putting out fires so to speak!

My daughter was acting out to the point of violence. My husband did nothing about it. I left him and moved 20 miles away. Still taking care of Mom but then needed Power Of Attorney for healthcare to order her medications which I had to administer.

My sister is an RN but only saw her once a month & still had nothing to do with me. She was not aware that the Power Of Attorney was changed in 2011 she lost it.

My older sister suddenly reappeared in 2011 & came twice a year. That was a vacation for me as she didn't want to see me. If I did go there she would hide.

Well, my mother recently became very ill and they are both so angry with me. They are both RN's and won't give me the time of day like I never did anything. My mother also caused a lot of this. She appointed me to do the work and protected them.

She always had an excuse when I ask her to call my younger sister, stating she worked and I needed to do everything. I am so angry because as of today my mother just left the hospital for rehab & they are just blaming me for their lack of relationship with her & her choices.

I'm getting it from both ends. I am separated from my husband, my salary from my retirement is being cut and I have no job. They both work, sit there in front of me talking about a new while playing with their iPhones and iPads and I will have to move to a very cheap apartment or go on welfare.

It's just so depressing that they have absolutely no compassion. Their only thinking of themselves - always.

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